Life Waves
by OnasiMagic
Summary: Post Kotor, why Revan LSF left, COMPLETE Starring Revan, Carth & Juhani
1. Chapter 1

**" _I'm Carth, one of the Republic soldiers from the Endar Spire, I was with you in the escape pod, do you remember?"_**

Yes, I remember, I would never forget, never forget any of it and I'll never forget you, flyboy, she thought with a smile. The love of my life. I could never forget. The memories are always with me because, because that's all I have now, it's all I have left. I remember when you first started flirting with me too…Her mind became lost in the memories.

**"_I like the first part of that, I'm a bit more partial to the 'Most Handsome Pilot in the Galaxy' ah, what do you think?"_**

**"_hehehe, A little bit touchy are we?"_**

**"_Is there something else you'd prefer I called you?"_**

**"_I'm all ears beautiful"_**

**"_Don't get yourself in a twist over it gorgeous, I didn't mean anything by it"_**

**"_OH FOR CRYING OUT… fine, if it'll make you feel better, you call me something, go 'head, come on, I can take it"_**

**"_Oh, ouch, I think you hurt my man feelings with that one"_**

**"_HAIRLESS WOOKIE? Alright sister, just, just, just calm down before your head explodes"_**

**"_Well I guess I should be at least a little pleased that I haven't lost my touch"_**

**"_And I guess Gorgeous will just have to do until then, won't it?"_**

**"_heh, Can't say I've ever met a woman quite like you before, you're really something"_**

**"_At any rate I wasn't ogling at you, I've just been … admiring you"_**

**"_Because you're an impressive and beautiful woman and I'd like to make things right between us"_**

**"**_**I don't know why but I think some terrible fate is waiting for you. I think the Jedi Council knows it too. And I don't want that to come to pass"** _

I didn't want it either but you can't change destiny. Thank you for everything, thank you for trying. And please… forgive me. I never wanted any of this. If I had a choice I'd be on some remote planet living out my life with you…but that was not in the stars for me, for us. I'm sorry.

**"_If uh, if I'm going to find some purpose beyond taking revenge on Saul, then, it's going to have to be in protecting YOU… let me protect you, from yourself, from the Sith, YOU HAVE TO LET ME TRY"_**

You can try, but there's no chance of success. The odds are too great, even for us – Saviors of the Galaxy. Even if you could save me from myself, from the Sith – there is still my destiny and no one can save me from that. Why would you even try?

**"_Because I finally have the chance to do it right"_**

**"_You are an extraordinary woman, you make me think that, maybe I might have some purpose beyond revenge"_**

**"_I can't hate you, I tried. I wanted to hold you responsible for all the things you've done, for, for my wife, for Telos, … for Dustil, … but I can't"_**

**"_I got the revenge I always wanted when Saul died, but it hasn't brought me the peace that I thought it would"_**

There is only peace. You just weren't looking for it, were you? I have been looking, and even I have trouble finding it at times. Times like these, when I think of the past, when I think of you. Peace seems like a distant oceanic wave from Manaan that will always be just out of my reach … like you.

**"_All I can think of now, is the promise that I made to protect you from what's going to come. It's given me a reason to look past simple revenge"_**

**"_You have this HUGE destiny waiting for you and I just fear that if you're alone it could swallow you whole"_**

Like a tsunami

**"_Is there room in there for me? Will you let me help you?"_**

**"_Let me protect you"_**

**"_You gave me a future … I want to give you a future too, with me"_**

**"_I think I could love you, if you give me the chance"_**

**"_Let's let's face the future together"_**

**"_I … I love you"_**

I think of that wave… Even when it seems that very wave is coming towards me, to rest upon the shore with me, I remain unsure. Unsure of my choices. I look out and see another wave, so much like the first. Is that my wave, still out of reach, or simply another? Has mine already come ashore, retreating back after loosing so much of it's strength? Will it just bubble back into the sand in defeat or will it be eager to gather up what remains and try again? Does that wave, so far out of reach, teasing, beckoning, shout to me that I haven't found true peace? Is my wave still out there? Has it come ashore or is it waiting, waiting for …

**"_I love you, you know that right? I love you, even now, even after, after, after all you've done, I LOVE YOU, like I haven't loved anyone or anything since my wife died and I didn't EVEN THINK that was possible"_**

**"_This is all the time we have, it should all be over soon, There's no other place I'd rather be than here"_**

**"_I love you, I can't wait until all this is over with"_**

It would never be over with though, would it? Once one trial was over, another just began again, like an oceanic wave. That was life, that was the lesson that 30 odd years had taught. Circumstances change but the root of it all was still the same. Even love could not overcome destiny.

A ripple in the force snapped her out of her thoughts, out of her memories. The children were in danger. She had to act.

Quickly pushing aside all the painful and ironically, the happiest memories of her past, she grabbed her lightsabers, some medpacs and headed out the door, before even the lingering warmth of the memories left her heart.

The children. They were close, but in great danger.

Her heart dropped when she saw the threat. A mother Rancor was very ticked that some human children had decided to play with her youngling. There would be no reasoning with her, Revan quickly surmised. As there would have been none either, if the roles were reversed. She unstrapped a grenade from her belt and threw it near enough to distract the mother, while still keeping the children safe. The distraction worked, and she took every opportunity to close the distance between herself and the Mother. She pulled out both sabers, although using just one had always been her preference.

She slashed with one while protecting herself from the large claws with the other. It was a short battle, considering the situation, and Revan realized the mother Rancor must have been at the end of her child-bearing years. Just as she made the devastating blow that would render the mother to her final resting place, a claw slashed through the air, landing somewhere between Revan's lower torso and her, too late, block. She screamed out more in surprise than pain but the pain came quickly after and she found herself down on all fours. The children were rushing up to her and she tried to regain some composure.

"Take me back to the Jajak, I'll be fine, I just need some rest, don't worry."


	2. Chapter 2

Coruscant

Carth tried to concentrate on the holovids before him. He knew what he was doing was important but still, ever since he took this desk job he'd been battling his own restlessness. It was easy when she was there, someone to return home to after the day ended. She always had a smile, and more. . If it were up to him, wait it was up to him, but still… if she hadn't asked. Told him to…

Even when he was reviewing some high-level security vids, he could always talk with her about it, since she also had clearance. It had seemed things were going better than expected.

Upon their return, they had been hailed as great Saviors of the Galaxy. There were holo-press briefings, diplomatic events and parties, even a few cameo appearances on popular vid-shows, mostly by Mission. The whirlwind of affairs lasted just over 30 optunian planetary days, a bit too long for Carth, Juhani, Jolee, Revan, Canderous & Zaalbar but a bit too short for Mission and surprisingly, Bastilla, although she would never admit it!

After the flurry, everyone had settled into their new roles easily enough. Mission, at the urging of Revan, had enlisted a scholar to help her brush up her grammar. Although most suspected this was to appear more education on the vid appearances then for her own benefit. Revan smiled though, knowing that no matter what the reasons, it was still a good thing. Zaalbar remained by her side, despite urgings to go back to his home world. "Someday when the time is right" he roared more than once at the members of the Ebon Hawk.

Jolee decided to not go back to staring at trees and instead took to hanging around and becoming somewhat of a lobbyist, both for and against the Jedi order. He drove everyone crazy, but still had enough of a redeeming quality that they actually listened to him…sometimes.

Juhani and Bastilla continued on their training path. Bastilla became everything she was before and then multiplied by 100 percent. As the months passed she continuously tried to understand how she had fallen to the dark side. Even with Jolee's urging she couldn't understand or come to terms with it. While she became stronger in the force, she still had a long way to go before she would ever become more than a padawan.

Canderous stuck around for awhile, but after continued urgings by Revan, who knew he was bored as hell, struck out from the planet. He checked in once in awhile, but never gave much comment about what he had been doing along the way. Revan had always been the one he would confide in, and now that she was gone….

Carth snapped out of his reverie, trying to return to the holo-vids when he realized he just couldn't do this anymore. Not without her, not without a reason. He decided then and there to address the Admiral about changing his position in the Republic. She was out there somewhere, and even if he wasn't on a direct mission to find her, he surely would fair better at least by being 'out there' instead of 'in here'. Decision made, he sent a quick transmission requesting an audience with the Admiral before shutting down his terminal for the night.

Four years, he thought, four long years. I have tried to make the Republic strong, by eradicating threats to security, to ongoing missions, to anything and everything that breathed wrong in the holo-vids that the Secret Consular Republican Echelon Command Honor (SCRECH or Screech as most upper-officials knew them by) had passed along. Dammit, though, that was going to change, he needed to be doing something more active. He never thought the taste of battle would draw him, but that is where he found himself. He could no longer abide by her wishes to make the Republic strong in this fashion, he needed to go out there and blast someone, anyone. He'd lost everything for this ongoing war against an enemy that never seemed to be eradicated. Ta Hell with it, I'm going to take every last one of them down with me that I can. He stomped out of the command center angry as hell, but feeling a bit more satisfied that at least now, he had a purpose.

His thoughts ran wild though, as he tried to come to terms with everything…

The desk job, the job he took for her. To give her the life he couldn't give his previous wife. The life where he was there, not off on some mission, leaving her to wonder if he'd return in one one piece, if at all, before it was complete.

Dammit, how could she! After almost four years he still couldn't understand what had happened. One minute they were Saviors of the Galaxy, hope for a future in their grasp, and the next… she was gone.

"_**She left without warning, she didn't say where, only that it was TO A PLACE where she could NOT take anyone she loved … I've waited for her to come back for almost four years, it doesn't get any easier"**_

"_**There's just this … emptiness where she used to be"**_

"_**I would have done anything she asked"**_

"_**And when she told me to stay here, to try and keep the Republic strong, that was the hardest thing of all"**_


	3. Chapter 3

Malachor V

She was back in the Jajak, their home, but she was still weak. She tried to use the force to heal herself but the poison from the claws was very strong. That, coupled with the dark side taint of Malachor, made all light-side powers weak. She found herself draining more energy trying to heal than what it was worth. She needed help.

A small laugh rose up in her throat as she realized that her need, the reason for her need, was due to a beast she had fought many times before without a second thought.

The children were worried, scared. She needed to reassure them. She called them over, "Aaron, Ariana – come here please"

They slowly rose from the makeshift rocks that served as chairs. Edging closer to her, but still very weary.

"You know what you did was very careless, I understand, but you must also understand that a mother never backs down from protecting her own." She whispered feebly.

"We understand Ma'ma" they said in unison.

"I am not angry, but this lesson has not come without cost." She replied.

"You must be brave, as I have taught you, and see to things while I cannot. Do you understand?" she asked.

"Yes ma'ma" they replied.

"Good, you are both very strong and capable. I trust that you remember the emergency plans we have gone over before. I need" she coughed and a bit of blood rose in her throat, "I need you to carry out those plans now. We have talked about them long enough, I think you are both old enough to actually carry them out. It will be a test, a trial – to see if you have learned and remembered it correctly. Do not worry, all is fine – but I must play my part – you are on your own now, and I will pretend that I am not capable of helping you." She coughed again, fighting the urge to just surrender to the poison that seemed to be consuming her. She needed to make sure the children were safe though, she needed to reassure them, to make them think this was just another trial. Another like the ones she had been teaching them since they were born, almost four years ago. If they remembered, if they could… then perhaps there was a chance, but if not… Could she surrender to that vast ocean with the knowledge that she did all she could? Had she made the right choices? Had she forsaken one wave, because it looked like another, only to be fooled in the end? Was it not a wave but a great tsunami that awaited her?

Despite her attempt to console the children she found herself wanting to also make them sure this was not just a trial, "Carry out the plan, make sure you contact her as soon as possible, because without her, we will all drown, on this oceanless planet of Malachor V." with those final words she slumped into oblivion. The only thing she heard was a far off memory, almost too far to even matter, but yet it still did.

"**_I love you, you know that right? I love you, even now, even after, after, after all you've done, I LOVE YOU, like I haven't loved anyone or anything since my wife died and I didn't EVEN THINK that was possible"_**

But would you still love me, if you knew now, what else I have done, would you? She tried another attempt at healing herself, but fell back into oblivion, without any result, except more exhaustion. "Carth, I'm so sorry" were the last words, the last memory, she had.


	4. Chapter 4

Coruscant

Carth was just finishing up in the fresher when the com beeped. He strolled over and punched the button to activate the message.

"The admiral sends her regrets but will not be able to see you this morning" the message sounded.

Damn, he thought.

"The meeting has been rescheduled for 13:00 hours, Are you able to comply?"

He held in the button, replying that 13:00 would be fine. As he let go of the button he slammed his fist into the wall.

Now that he had made his decision, any delay just made him angry. As if by waiting a few more hours he was sacrificing something more.

Dammit Onasi, get a grip! He thought. You've been waiting four years, it's just a few more hours, and, heh, it's not like she's waiting for you at the end of the meeting. What the hell are you thinking!

Wild thoughts ran through his mind: "She left you" "How important do you think you were to her?"

But NO, dammit! He knew, he KNEW! They had stayed together for 2 months after being hailed as Saviors of the Galaxy. That was NOT a dream, not an illusion. He had FELT her love, they were happy, dammit.

SOMETHING made her leave and it wasn't ME, that was about the only thing he seemed sure of at this moment.

He'd been over it a thousand times before. The time leading up to her departure.

"Carth, the future is blank, I cannot see it. I cannot see us, I do not know what awaits us." She replied, standing in their newly appointed living quarters.

"That's okay beautiful, I see my future and she's standing right here. Besides, what good is the future if you already know what it holds – and right now I want to hold you" He grabbed her into his arms and looked down at her with loving eyes. His hand came up to brush her cheek as a lone tear rolled down, then he leaned in, just brushing his lips against her cheek, where the tear had been. He looked into her eyes and then turned his gaze down a bit, before he closed his eyes and kissed her.

"You are everything to me Revan, and that is all the future I need" He ran his hands up her back, pulling her closer to him. "The past is the past, the future, well, heh, I've already told you how I feel about that, but the now, let's get to the now" he leaned in and kissed her with a hunger, pulling her even closer to him as his hands ran across her back. She reached up, grabbing his head, pulling him in closer to her kiss. The past, the future, the now, all became meaningless as they let themselves feel their love for one another.

That wasn't the response you got from someone who wasn't happy with you. He knew that, dammit. Something made her leave and it wasn't him. But what else could it be? He was privy to all the info SCREECH came across. There was no looming threat. Inevitable threats, yes, but nothing that would have caused her to run off like that in such a rush. Without anything more than a passing note to say she had gone.

The holo was left on the pillow where she slept. He'd come to think of it as a sick gesture. How dare you tell the person you love that you were leaving them, NOT because of them, but for a greater good? And to leave it on the pillow of the bed where you slept. It's meaning had crossed and criss-crossed in his head a thousand times.

It was personal, why else on the pillow. But why, what had possibly been going through her mind! It was like she hadn't wanted to leave but was forced to, which was joke. Revan never did anything she didn't want to do, not even for him.

That was it, nothing else. Everything else had been more of the same. The occasional talk with Mission or Canderous. A bit more time with Juhani, but that was to be expected, since Revan had been the most prominent Jedi in her life since her fall to the dark side. Short outings with Jolee and Bastilla. And him. He had consumed most of her free time, well, when he could.

"Why Revan" he asked himself for the eight-millionth time. "Why did you leave? Why did you leave the Jedi, the Republic, the crew, but most importantly, why did you leave me?"

"What did I do, or what did I not do? Why did you tell me to keep the Republic strong, was that just a game, a distraction, to keep me from looking for you?" He was lost in his thoughts until the comm beeped.

He arose, saddled with guilt, and punched the button to receive the message, "SSA Onasi, the Admiral requests your company immediately, the high soldiers should be arriving at your door any moment" And he was not kidding, what sounded like the butt end of a pistol banging against his door sounded before the short speech had ended. "Oh boy" thought Carth, "there goes my transfer request."

"They're here now T6-Y7, I will accompany them to the Admirals quarters, inform her I shall be arriving momentarily"


	5. Chapter 5

Juhani was just finishing her Jedi business on the small planet of Oskapath when she received the signal. She quickly wrapped up the proceedings with the planetary officials and headed towards her small ship, _Comet Eighteen_.

She was becoming more concerned as she ran everything through her mind. _Unscheduled contact, too soon for supplies, no drills scheduled for another two weeks._ The more she thought about it, the more worried she became. She quickly used the force to speed along her journey back to the ship, almost smashing into the controls as she quickly typed in the first part of the secret code. She cursed herself for being careless enough to forego taking along a remote communicator.

She knew it would be more than a few minutes before she had to enter the next part of her reply, so she quickly used that time to send an emergency message to her Jedi superiors. Having received the acknowledgment that the transmission was secure and they were ready to receive her communication, she began:

"I have received an emergency signal from Oct Nine. I am proceeding as planned. My business on Oskapath has been completed and I will follow up with a full report in the next 12 hours."

"We are aware of the signal also; Master Vandar is finalizing the Council security codes now. You have been authorized to refuel before departing Oskapath, it should be enough to allow you to reach your destination, but _Comet Eighteen _will not hold enough fuel for both trips. Your return will be discussed later. The Oskapath report can wait until this matter is settled, or can be delivered in person after you return. For now, proceed with the emergency plans."

"Yes Masters, I will contact you once I have more information."

-------------------------------------------------------

Carth quickly grabbed his gear before leaving the apartment then followed his escort along the route to Admiral.

His mind raced with each step. He knew something must have come up, which was the reason for the Admiral canceling their previous appointment. Something else though, must have also come up afterwards to have her request his presence such a short time later. Why else cancel their meeting, only to have an escort sent shortly thereafter. What could possibly explain this? Why the escort? Surely they weren't concerned whether he would show, it must be for security. Were they worried about a changeling? That would explain why he was requested to remain in his apartment, and then escorted to the Admiral right after. His mind continued to race as he entered the Admirals office, the escort remaining by the outer door as it sealed shut, leaving just him and the Admiral.

"SSA Onasi, I am sorry for the entourage and the obviously confusing nature of my messages in the past few hours."

Carth just stood in a respective stance, acknowledging her words with an ever so slight nod of his head.

"Obviously you already had some matters on your mind to request our meeting but I'm afraid they will have to wait until we have another matter settled" the admiral began. "You are a highly respected person in the Republic and I would not be asking this if I had not already weighed carefully all of our options. As it is, you are the person most qualified for the important task we have at hand."

Carth began to feel an excitement rising in him. Perhaps this was not the end of his transfer request but instead an opening.

"Thank you Admiral, I appreciate your words and am ready to honor your request."

"I knew I could count on you." she handed him a datapad. "All information you will need is on this datapad. The only addition is to your current ranking – you have been promoted to Commodore and your security clearance has been elevated by three ranks. If you find you need anything further please do not hesitate to contact me. I await your return Commodore Onasi."

Carth was dumbfounded for a few moments; he never thought he'd ever see the title of Commodore after taking his desk job. He quickly recovered, saluted the Admiral then did an about face and left, a small grin growing bigger with each step.

The Admiral spoke once more, causing him turn around, the grin still on his face.

"I know this goes without saying, but I'm sure you understand that it needs to be said. You have access to any ship but please make sure it's classified as 'unregistered' before you depart."

Carth acknowledged the Admiral, taking her comments in stride, not feeling they were any indication of her trust in his ability. He knew she needed to say that due to her position and also that anyone with the title of Commander, let alone Commodore, would already know this detail.

Once the doors to the Admiral's office had closed he looked down at the datapad. He quickly read the overview of the mission, compliance orders and finally departure information. Analyzing the details could wait until after launch. Walking out of the building with a confident gait, he mentally started preparing for the mission that awaited him.

Overall it was a simple mission, but the reasons for it, held in the classified section of the overview, explained the urgency. An unnamed Jedi, obviously only for top clearance officials, had determined the planet of Malachor V to again be a concern for the Republic. Carth's orders were to fly two scouts to the planet to determine the significance of the report, along with the urgency it may present to the Republic's cause. The route itself wasn't dangerous, but the planet had been the end of more than a few ships that had tried to enter at this particular section of the world. Time was important, so taking the safe route and landing at the other end of the planet was not an option, the scouts would spend far too much time trying to traverse the terrain.

Departure might pose another problem – since any ship past type-12 classification had NEVER been successful. Carth knew he would need at least a type-16 classification just to hold the fuel required for the take-off alone.

He entered the hangar bay, speaking briefly to the guard. He explained the details of the ship he was after, along with the smaller ships that would need to be loaded aboard to ensure the safe travel of the two scouts. After a final inspection of _The Fore-Runner, _he left to finalize other plans, leaving the soldiers to finish the task of preparing his new ship. First-up, contacting the Scouts, followed by a few departing messages to his _Ebon Crew_ and then finally, his son, Dustil.


	6. Chapter 6

Normally Carth would have enlisted a few more soldiers to help with the mundane operations of the ship. Due to the classified and important status of this mission, however, he had only requested two droids, fresh out of memory wipe, with just the most basic of programming.

His talk with Dustil had gone about as well as expected. Over the years they had become friends. Not quite a father son relationship, but still far better than most and for that he was grateful. Revan's departure had certainly helped the process and had given Carth the time he needed to explain things to Dustil. Dustil had been a bit more understanding, after the initial scathing remarks and attitude. Carth had explained to him more than once that finding Revan had become his number one priority and his son seemed to accept that these days, although he often wondered if it was because his son believed it would never come to pass. Even so, he had to be grateful for what was 'their relationship' no matter what the reasons were that led them to this point. If any positive could come from Revan leaving, this was surely one of them, although it came at great cost to Carth.

His mind began to wander to the times before Revan left.

"I'm fine Carth, just a little too much Juma Juice at the Cantina last night. Either that or I'm loosing my marbles, finally, after all that's happened." She smirked at him.

Carth looked at her, with a worried expression on his face. She had been a bit lost lately, not physically but mentally. The time in particular that she was referring to had to do with a bunch of rowdy Rodians. When no one could make them understand that Mission had clearly won the games of Pazaak without any cheating, Revan had tried a mind trick on them. Unfortunately, it had elevated them about 6 feet into the air and two tables over.

"Ack, Juhani, a bit of help here please" she had called through the force.

She was fine though after that, carrying out three missions for the Jedi order, complete with blazing lightsabers and raving Padawans recounting her trips.

The situation in the Cantina had been only a few weeks before her final departure, before that final note left on the pillow. It was the day his world came crashing down around him, once again.

For weeks he wasn't coherent. Juhani had been the most supportive while encouraging him to delve into making the Republic safe, respecting Revan's wishes. It was the only thing that made him go back after his long leave of absence.

Jolee had also given him some words of advice, or rather stories. He had been too confused and mired in his own emotions at the time to even know what the heck the guy was trying to say to him. Even now, he couldn't recall even one of the stories. Thinking they might have held some clue as to why she had left, he had asked Jolee to retell them. The only response was a snort and some comment about how he should have been listening in the first place, the stories weren't appropriate for him to tell anymore. Suffice it to say, Carth had been more than a bit angry about this and other members of the _Crew _hadneeded to bring him back to reason before he did something he would regret. Jolee had just 'hurraphed' then went on his way. To this day their relationship held signs of strain.

His comm beeped, reminding Carth that it was almost time for depature. He gathered the few items left in the apartment that he wanted to take, gave a few orders to his house-droid then left without another glance.

He made his way to the exiting bay, excitement building. Finally, he was doing something he felt was important. "Does this mean I'm moving on?" he thought. "NO, never, I won't stop until I find her!" were the resounding echoes in his mind. Followed by, "Or at least until I find out what happened to her." Anger quickly rose in his face as he realized that he had actually contemplated the thought that he may never find her again, alive. "How dare I EVEN THINK such a thing".

Carth made his way onto the ship, wondering what these new thoughts meant. Silently cursing himself for even letting them pass into his head.

-------------------------------

Juhani entered the second part of the code into her transmitter. Moving next to the security comm she entered another phase of the code.

"Fueling complete" resounded from the speakers.

She made her way to the cock pit and started to run her final checks. A beep from the transmitter told her the code had been accepted. She would now need to travel within range before sending the next part. Gathering determination she set about making the final preparations.

-----------------------------

Bastilla had just finished her meditation session when the sensation hit her like a rock. "She's dying" was the only thing that echoed through her mind. She quickly left the chamber making her way to the Jedi Council's meeting room. They had blocked her off from her force-bond shortly before Revan had disappeared, but she couldn't ignore what she was feeling. Her complexion grew white as she rounded the final corner, the feeling growing stronger.


	7. Chapter 7

She was lost, drifting deeper into the unknown. She tried to remember, a Rancor, a fight, a claw.

HOW STUPID, she thought. How could one of the most basic threats become such a problem? She had been foolish. Seeing the children in such danger had brought out some instinct in her that had left her careless. She had charged without thought to her safety, only to the children, and for that she had misjudged a final claw. And now here she was. How could she have forsaken her own safety, it was paramount to the safety of the children, and the galaxy.

She felt waves of embarrassment, an emotion that should not have even been playing a role in her thoughts. If this is it, if I fail, for such a careless and stupid reason, if I let everyone down due to my own clouded judgments …

But this wouldn't be the first time she realized. She had already done that, back before everyone had hailed the crew of the _Ebon Hawk_ as heroes. AFTER Carth had proclaimed his love for her. She had been foolish, left her guard down, left her judgment get clouded.

…

"You cannot defeat me here Revan, I am strong here and I have the dark side." Malak had claimed.

She had not been as strong as she thought, using medpac after medpac. She kept trying to find a way to destroy the lives Malak was feeding off, the ones who replenished his health as quickly as she lost hers.

She had been close, so close she could almost feel his doubt. She let out another blast of force power, hoping to slow him, while she pumped herself up with stims. She ran, hoping to gain enough distance to release another force blow but her powers were weakening. And then, he let out a blast of lightning that took her down, down to all fours, down to the abyss. When she came to he was kneeling next to her. Saying something that seemed so remote it couldn't possibly be true.

"I loved you once. As much, if not more than you loved me. To this day I still want you, but now I know that we both cannot exist together."

His words were fading in and out. Her focus was becoming cloudy. Where was she? What was happening?

"I love you" she heard the words and Carth's face began to materialize. "I would have done anything for you."

_Would have? Am I dead?_ she thought. And then she saw him, kneeling beside her, looking down at her so lovingly. He took her hand into his and said something about the future. It wasn't clear, nothing was clear. She couldn't think. Carth.

"I love you"

Carth?

Carth, Is that you?

"I would have been anything you asked. I would have loved you until the end of the galaxy. And I still do, and I still will. Revan … "

The figure leaned down closer, she could feel it's weight upon her.

"Carth?"

And then … nothing.

--------------------------

No wait, I was fighting Malak.

She had drifted, to a place where the only thing she saw was herself, standing alone. And beyond, in the distance, the galaxy she knew. What did it mean? Where am I?

Then a laugh, a bellowing laugh that brought her from that place. She regained some focus and looked up to see Malak, metallic jaw moving in a way that no mechanical thing should ever display. He was laughing. That sick, sinister excuse for a being was laughing at her, like he had won.

She was on her feet before she even finished her thoughts. Propelled by a force that was not of her own bidding, or was it? Something in her was angry, VERY angry. She felt violated, she felt incomplete. She felt mad as a Rancor!

She lashed out while his jaw was still moving in that unnatural way.

"Uhhh" he cried out, caught completely off-guard by her quick and violent actions.

"Yes, feel the hate, feel the anger. Feel the dark-side" He cried.

"NOOoooooooooooooo" was all that came from her as she let loose into a flurry that she herself would not have been able to deflect. Blow after blow, without a rest, without a thought. She just kept flurrying in such a frenzy she was making herself dizzy.

She was still slashing at him as the doors opened and Carth and Jolee rushed to her side.

"Is it over?" she asked, fatigue, emotion and inner turmoil rolling around her aura with such an intensity that not even Jolee could maintain composure.

"It's okay beautiful, don't worry. I'll get you out of here, I'll be with you until the end of the galaxy" Carth assured her.

For some reason, those words made her shudder. And then she went limp in his arms, the battle finally coming to take it's toll.

…


	8. Chapter 8

Carth knew small talk was not in the plans for this mission. His brief contact with the scouts was all about mission detail and then more mission talk.

He spent the other hours analyzing the datapad. From what he could gather, the planet was a serious, VERY serious concern for both the Jedi and the Republic. He was lost in thoughts about why this was just a scouting mission, after reading the data, when the sensors began to emit a resounding alarm.

"All passengers to the safety hold" he announced over the ships intercom. He quickly set one droid to defensive mode, while leaving the other to piloting commands, as before. He raced to the turrets, hoping it was just a few enemy ships, nothing that he couldn't handle without endangering the scouts lives. To his great relief he only saw one ship, and a mighty small one at that.

7-53, the piloting droid, came across just as Carth was settling into the turret seat and realized they had nothing to fear. "Incoming message from unfriendly ship – requesting confirmation of Sector 7 bypass."

Carth was surprised, sector 7 bypass was only initiated from fellow comrades, this must be a republic ship. Thank goodness they decided to talk first, instead of fire first ask questions later!

"Patch them through 7-53, request level 2 security measures, and um, don't identify ourselves in the process".

After the initial security codes and clearances had been validated, via droid relays between both ships, Carth found out that this ship was also heading to Malachor V. Both had been very secretive so not much had been accomplished, but the initial threat had been abated. He did learn that this ship was due to arrive at the opposite end of the planet, which meant it had no concerns about being blasted into oblivion, unlike his crew. He used the time in between communications to relay this information to the Republic, who assured him there was no need for him to be further concerned with this lone ship. Repeated attempts to actually speak to the pilot of the other ship instead of a droid held no success.

With the temporary crisis abated, Carth decided to get some rest before they entered the life-threatening domain of Malachor V.

--------------------------

Juhani had completed all the secret codes, security measures and clearances required for her landing. Only that small encounter with another republic ship had strayed her mind from the current task. The pilot had sounded an awful lot like Carth, but he was back on Coruscant. Dismissing that thought and leaving the droid to handle the situation she returned to the task at hand.

Not knowing what might await her she packed up everything she could carry that wouldn't be an encumbrance. She traveled down the pre-determined path, stopping only at the required areas, searching for the datapads that would guide her to the next. After recovering three datapads, she knew things were worse than she had hoped. Only two datapad locations were required for normal emergency procedures. The fact that she had already recovered three and still needed to find a fourth told her things were very bad. She tried to send a quick transmission to the council about this development but static charges in the area made the transmission useless. "I knew I hated this place before but now I hate it even more" she thought. She understood why this place had been chosen but still, surely something else could have sufficed. Off she trekked in search of the, hopefully, last datapad.

-------------------------

Bastilla stormed into the chambers, feeling stronger than ever before, but quickly lost all sense when she looked upon the Masters.

They too looked a bit lost for color as she told them what she had felt.

"Meditate on this we must"

"Wait to see what develops we shall"

"Continue on your path, young Padawan, the Council will see to this matter."

"Yes Masters, but what does it mean? Is Revan in danger? Is there nothing I can do to help?"

"The Council has spoken Padawan, you must not concern yourself. This will be addressed. Things beyond your bond are working here. All will become clear, for the right eyes to see."

"Yes Masters" she bowed and left the chambers. Why did she always feel like she didn't understand? She couldn't understand why she had fallen, when she followed the path so directly. And now, now, she couldn't understand how this didn't concern her; did they not believe what she had felt? No, she couldn't think this way, she needed to abide by the councils wishes, she had told them what she needed to, and now. Now, she needed to carry on her training.


	9. Chapter 9

The ship's engines began to sputter as the resources needed to keep them going were depleted.

"This is the closest I can get. I'm out of fuel. Is it close enough for you to pull me the rest of the way?" she inquired to _The Fore-Runner_.

"Not quite" Carth replied. "Shut down power to the rear thruster, switch the main control to level seven then prime it 3 or 4 times before turning it back on. Keep trying that, and hopefully it gives us what we need to bring you into range."

"Damn" he muttered to himself. If only he hadn't pushed the ship so close to the planets' field, trying to get the scouts as close as possible in an effort to ensure their safe landing. He had felt the pull on his controls and knew immediately he had gone too far.

Releasing a message to the scouts, "Launch now, I have to get _The Fore-Runner_ out of here, you have 10 seconds! MOVE!" his hands began to fly over the controls. Hoping the droids basic programming would allow them to repair whatever damage had been done, he steered the ship towards the pre-arranged coordinates. He was about halfway to the destination when he was informed the ship would have to be powered down in order to complete the repairs.

It appeared they would have to remain adrift for a little over an hour. Not quite what any pilot wished to hear, let alone someone who had just received the honorable title of Commodore and was on his first mission.

"Guess I've lost some of that luck we all used to rely on so much aboard _The Ebon Hawk_" he scowled to himself in dismay. Since he had no clue what direction they might drift in once powered down he did some quick calculations. In the meantime the droids were ordered to fix anything else that didn't rely on the power-down.

Once he received confirmation from the droids that the ship could handle what he was contemplating, he continued to travel as close to his original course as possible, before allowing the final repairs. He certainly didn't want to end up with a fixed ship only to find himself neighbors with the original cause once again, not to mention hours from his rendezvous point.

Giving the okay to power down, Carth settled back into the pilot seat and ran over their situation. Shields were unavailable but their magnetic force had limited functions. "Damn, they were like sitting gizka in a field of Kath hounds" he thought to himself.

Communications were still available; he had received confirmation from the scouts that their landing had been successful. No reported injuries and the loss of only one transport ship. At least that part of Carth's plan had worked out. "We are proceeding with operation _Twi'lek Dancer_" they had informed him. A grin crossed his face as he wondered who thought of these names while picturing a real Twi'lek dancer.

Just as he was about to send an update on the mission to the Admiral, the comm sounded. "Fore-Runner, we have a situation that needs your attention. What is the current status of the Twi'lek Dancer?"

Carth swallowed, feeling his face flush a bit and was glad for the small bit of luck that allowed this to only be a verbal report instead of a live holofeed. Damn, so much for avoiding mention of his careless mistake, the one that had led to the power down of his ship. Gathering composure he relayed his report, trying to keep his voice neutral, and waited for the response.

"I see" slight pause, oh boy, she was definitely unhappy. "This will be a bit more difficult then, but is not impossible. A small ship needs to dock with you for transport back to Coruscant. Unfortunately, its fuel reserves are low. It will have enough to exit Malachor V but without knowing your exact location it will cause precious fuel to be lost. Hopefully they will at least be able to get within your magnetic range and then you can tractor beam them the rest of the way. I'll upload the ships ID to you. The Twi'lek Dancer remains your top priority but this is also just as important I've been informed."

"Do you have any other information on this ship?" Carth inquired.

"It appears only the Jedi know the reasons for this ship being on Malachor V. The only thing I can add is that the Jedi are stressing the importance of transport back to Coruscant for this ship _and_ its passengers."

"Was this the ship I encountered before?" he asked.

"Affirmative Commodore Onasi."

"Hmmm" thought Carth. If the Jedi were involved he would have better luck at winning a swoop championship then finding out anything else. "Closed-mouthed bunch of …" whoa, wait, he couldn't get angry at the Jedi for Revan. She had left on her own. He sighed, cutting the communication after receiving the ID and comm channels for the Jedi ship.

------------------------

"Almost there, try shutting down the thrusters one more time and that should do it." Carth now knew the Jedi on that ship was the Cathar, Juhani. Her unmistakable accent gave it away the minute they had made contact. Hope bristled in him, knowing his chances for getting some answers had improved. Not much, since she was a Jedi, but better then could have been imagined since she was also a friend and once fellow crewmate.

"That's it, I got you. You should arrive in…" Sirens began to go off, no sound, but red lights blinking furiously, unaware there was no sound to accompany them. Carth saw two ships entering his radar screen. He couldn't run a check on their identity, too far out of range for his limited power supply he supposed.

"Juhani, if that piece of junk has any shields available you better put them on. We have company coming" he barked into the comm.

He ran to check on the droids, finding out they wouldn't be finished for another 10 minutes. If they stopped now all repairs would be reset back to the beginning. He couldn't risk it. Yelling at them to work faster he ran to the turrets, wondering if they had enough power to run on automatic. Otherwise, he would have to manually reset after every five shots, costing him too much time and surely leaving them to the Kath hounds' mercy. "Damn gizka idioms" he thought.

-------------------------

"_Juhani, if that piece of junk has any shields available you better put them on. We have company coming"_ She thought it had been Carth, but what was he doing out here? No, it couldn't be, but he had called her by her name, it had to be him.

"Oh force, this is not good." If they survived the enemy ship threat it would be nothing compared to Carth's fury when he discovered her passenger, or um, passenger**_s_**.

Juhani activated the shields then went to sit with the children, checking on Revan along the way. Once out of Malachor V's surroundings she had been able to use the force to heal Revan and drain the poison from her system. The resulting weakness of the past few days of suffering, along with Revan's repeated attempts to heal herself had taken a huge toll on her. She would need plenty time to recuperate beyond the force heal, poison pacs and medpacs that Juhani had supplied. Not to mention that Revan was also going to need all the strength she had when she faced Carth.

Juhani shuddered at the thought of what was to come, wondering how quickly they would be able to travel to the safety of the Jedi Temple. She knew another mission for _The Fore-Runner_ took precedence; she only hoped it wouldn't cause an extensive delay. HAH, who was she fooling, she hoped it wouldn't cause ANY delay. The longer the delay, the harder it would be to hide her patient and other passengers from Carth and the inevitable situation that would arise once he discovered them.

------------------------

Juhani had finally reached the Jajak, expecting the worse. A bit of relief had passed when she realized Revan was still alive, weak, unconscious, but alive.

"You have done well little ones. Now we must carry out evacuation plans. Is the gear ready?" she asked Aaron and Ariana.

The children stared at her, nodding in unison. Ariana, always the bold one, spoke.

"Jedi Juhani, she said this was just a test, a trial, but I think it is more serious then that."

"All tests are serious Ariana. Now quickly, grab your bags while I activate the repulsor lift. We must hurry."

Juhani gave a glance around the room, taking in the difference from the last time she had been here. The children had done well in removing any identifying items. The place looked bare and had already taken on the appearance of not being lived in for quite some time. Perhaps it was just her imagination?

After they had exited Juhani left off a force whirlwind to stir up some dust and give it a final disheveled appearance. It was a small whirlwind and she was amazed at how much force energy it had taken.

"Good riddance to this planet" she thought once they were on board the ship.

The trip back to the ship had gone much quicker since it was a straight path now, not a winding chase for datapads and barrier codes. She read over the departure instructions that had arrived in her absence. A huge frown developed upon learning she didn't have any clear coordinates.

"Stupid idiot pilot, who flies a ship but doesn't know where it is?" she thought.

Feeling extremely dismayed she punched in the comm channel then left her pilot droid to make contact and plan for their departure. She needed to check on the children. Once off this planet she could start to heal Revan, so she needed to prepare for that also. She didn't dare think about the fuel situation. The force works in mysterious ways, surely she would not have made it this far only to be left adrift to die of starvation or capture by an enemy ship. She moved through the short distance of the ship with more confidence, coordinates, bah who needs them, she thought. The galaxy isn't THAT big.


	10. Chapter 10

Juhani had begun working on Revan, giving the children a reassuring nod, the moment _Comet Eighteen_ had exited Malachor V's grasp. She left Revan in stable condition, satisfied she would live and headed off to begin her search for the ship they needed to dock with.

She had spent far too much fuel trying all the locations the other pilot _thought _might be where he had drifted to before success was finally allowed. She informed the pilot, the one who sounded unmistakably like Carth, that she doubted she would have enough fuel to reach _The Fore-Runner_ on her own, just as the engines started to sputter.

His instructions had helped lurch the ship forward, bit by bit, until it was finally caught in the larger ships tractor beam. Just as she was ready to breathe a sigh of relief, his arrival estimate transmission had been cut off. No, not cut off, paused, before finally coming alive again as she heard him bark her name, along with instructions to activate her shields.

Her mind swirled, racing with thoughts as she rushed to the children. She felt the ship rock as _The Fore-Runner_ began taking hits. She felt the subtle change as the magnetic pull towards the large star fighter was lost. Fighting the urge to look out into space, wondering if the ship had been destroyed, she instead turned her concentration inward. Reaching out to the force she threw up a defense around _Comet Eighteen _to aid its small shields while sending calming thoughts to her tiny passengers.

--------------------------

Carth rushed to the turrets, sliding into the seat and grabbing the controls all in one swift movement. "May the Force be with me" he uttered aloud.

This mission had just increased ten-fold and he wasn't about to let anyone down. Not because of some stupid mistake he had made. "Time to set things right" he thought and bore down on the trigger.

The weapon sprang to life and Carth felt a flood of relief wash over him. "Thank the force."

He was also grateful that regular sparring and firing practice were required of all Republic soldiers, no matter what position they held. It had kept him from becoming rusty during the past few years.

He found he was still quick on the trigger and locked onto his target with ease. He had fired off six rounds before they even managed one.

"Not bad for a sitting gizka" he thought to himself.

Knowing that already one ship had been severely damaged in his initial firing, he readied himself to deliver the final blow. He fired, watching the ship explode, debris drifting in the aftermath of the explosion.

He no time to enjoy his victory though, the second ship had just landed a hard hit to _The Fore-Runner_. Bad news, with no maneuverability the enemy would be able to just keep pounding him with blast after blast.

"What's our status, how long until we're back on power?" he huffed to the droids. "I need us up _yesterday_!"

Just then another blast rocked the ship. What little resources were online began to falter. Carth locked onto his target and began firing.

Bam!

Bam!

Bam!

Bam!

Bam - then nothing.

He kept clicking but there was no response. Then it dawned on him, the turrets were down, he would have to manually reload and ready them.

A groan rose in his throat as he saw the enemy bank left, slipping slightly in its haste, then roll out of the turn, climbing to a position that leveled it directly at _The Fore-Runner_.

It hovered for a few moments, allowing Carth time to snap out of his lapse. Momentum growing, it charged forward, not firing but getting closer and closer as Carth furiously readied the turret.

Carth began running all his options through his head. He began to stiffen, his foot pressing hard against the floor as he realized, that even if he could get the turret ready in time, five shots would not be enough.

His thoughts ran wild. This was it, the end. He had failed. The enemy knew it was over too. That's why it wasn't firing, _yet_. It was waiting until it was close enough, close enough to deliver a blast directly at him. Taking the ship down wasn't going to be enough. This guy, Sith, whatever was behind the controls, before destroying _The Fore-Runner_, wanted to watch Carth get blasted to pieces first. And he wanted a front row view.

Carth decided to return the favor, figuring he had about three seconds after the first shot fired at him to send his own back at the enemy.

"An eye for an eye" he muttered. Idioms, why was he thinking of stupid idioms moments before his death?

"Idioms for the idiot" he thought with a laugh.

He felt no fear, only regret. And failure. He had always failed the people he cared about and who cared about him. "A heck of a way for a hero to live" he mused as he saw a needlepoint flash of light slicing through the stars. And then a huge explosion so bright the stars became one with it, obliterating any darkness that was present only seconds before. He felt the ship pitch in a downward direction.


	11. Chapter 11

Lights were flashing everywhere. Alarms blaring as the ship recovered from its dive. They were back online, Force YES, the droids had done it!

Carth quickly assessed what had transpired, realizing his left foot had unconsciously been crushing down on the launch button for the proton torpedo. When the power had been restored, the ship had carried out his request, landing a direct hit on the enemy fighter.

The shields had activated, saving them from the majority of the aftershock and flying debris of the impact, but not all. He unstrapped himself from the seat making his way quickly toward the commands.

He still couldn't believe his fortune, thinking this must be one of the luckiest days he had had in years, he entered the cockpit.

The droids had already begun running diagnostics, shutting down the alarms and performing maintenance on damaged sections. "Thanks, I owe you both one" he said, knowing if they had possessed hands he would have gladly shaken them in gratitude.

He located _Comet Eighteen _and was relieved to see it appeared undamaged. He glided his craft over to the small vessel, opened the docking hatch and reactivated the tractor beam. Turning his face toward the ships cockpit he sent a message to its pilot.

-----------------------

Juhani had felt the disturbance in the force but was unable to determine which ship had been the cause of the explosion. She calmed herself and her passengers as she waited for whatever came next, startled when it finally arrived.

"Hey lady, need a lift?"

She quickly rose and looked out the side window. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at a grinning Carth Onasi. He gave her a wave and spoke again.

"Well now, don't look so happy to see me. Care to recover enough to let me know if you're all okay in there?"

She moved to the communicator, "We are fine; there was no damage to us."

"Good to hear, but keep your shields up until you are under our cover, there is still a lot of debris floating around. Any chance you got an ID on those fighters?"

She checked her computer but came up with nothing.

"No, I'm sorry; it seems my force barrier blocked the transmission. Perhaps you can still pick it up somehow."

"I doubt it, not with the fireworks display we had. The signal has most likely been blown into space dust. Thank the force we didn't decide to follow it." He paused briefly before continuing, as if actually sending out a silent thanks to the force.

"Once you dock you can download the ship layout from the station right outside the bay. I have some checks to do, a report to deliver and a course to resume. That should give you and your passengers enough time to settle in, use any of the crew quarters you like. After that, we'll need to talk. Onasi out."

-------------------------------

Juhani looked over the blueprints, deciding on quarters that were close to the med bay but still far enough away from the main control centers.

Revan was still unconscious and Juhani figured it would be more than a couple of hours before she awoke. Plenty of time for her to have a meeting with Carth, _alone_.

She unpacked the items from _Comet Eighteen, _handing each child a bag to carry before turning her attention to Revan. As she activated the lift she noticed that one of the repulsor coils appeared damaged. "Stupid planet" she thought to herself again.

Calling to the force for some anti-gravitational support, she lifted Revan up in her arms and began the journey down the corridor. The children followed silently behind.

She tried to reach out to them, hoping to pick up what they might be feeling, but found she couldn't concentrate on both tasks at the same time. She almost fell down and would have landed right on top of Revan as she lost her balance for a moment. Deciding it best not to injure her patient any further, she gave up concentrating on the children and returned it to getting Revan to the med bay.

With great effort she finally hoisted Revan onto the cot, checking her once again after using some of her force power for more healing. She didn't want to use too much, needing Revan to sleep until after her meeting with Carth. The claw marks were almost gone and the poison no longer coursed through her veins. Rest was all that was needed now.

Juhani silently hoped the emotional bruising waiting for Revan when she awoke would be healed just as easily, but she already knew it was too much to ask. She rested her hand on Revan's arm for a moment, sending her strength through the force, before finally turning to children.

She smiled at them, using the force to let them know that their Mother was going to be fine and would happy to know they were too.

She grabbed their free hands and led them out of the med bay, locked the door behind her, and then continued with them down the hall to their new quarters.

She spent the next hour talking with them, or more like at them. They were very quiet and didn't say much. But then again, they never had. Throughout the many trips Juhani had made over the years she couldn't recall much vocalization from the children.

Not that they couldn't speak or didn't know how, in fact, Revan had taught them many languages besides galactic basic. It was mostly because they communicated through the force.

The two held many conversations with each other and showed great power in that ability. Juhani recalled Revan mentioning that their ability to block others from tuning in on their conversations was also progressing at a rapid rate. Revan had requested guidance from the council on this matter but Juhani knew nothing of what their reply had been.

Realizing it would soon be time for her to go; she spent the last few minutes meditating with the children. Calling for strength and guidance she let the force flow through her, giving her the peace she would need before seeking out Carth.

--------------------------------

After setting the ship back on course, Carth debated for a moment, considering if it was wise to try and contact the scouts before delivering an update to the Admiral. Deciding it best not to interfere with the Twi'lek Dancers he activated the holocomm and waited for the route to establish a secure connection.

"Mission to acquire _Comet Eighteen _has been successful" The admiral appeared relieved.

Carth continued, "Unfriendly fire was exchanged with two unknown fighters during the exercise" her brow furrowed.

"No identification on the fighters Commodore?"

"I was unable to determine that due to their initial distance from my location, when they were within range I was without the ability. Any other attempts would have come too late."

"So they no longer pose a threat?" she inquired, already knowing the answer.

"No Ma'am. The ships have been dealt with, but I will continue to look for further information."

"Very well, we shall look into the matter and relay anything we find. I assume you have not heard anything more about the Twi'lek Dancer?

"Negative" he cut the transmission "but you'll be the first to know" he continued, speech already flowing out of his mouth as he disconnected. With a possible threat in the area he didn't want to compromise the security from the routing station beyond the appropriate time frame.

He was just starting to look over the log of repairs and damage when Juhani entered.


	12. Chapter 12

Carth looked up and saw the Cathar moving towards him.

"All settled in I take it?" he inquired, a smile showing on his face.

"Yes, thank you. Are you in the middle of something?"

"Nope, nothing that the droids can't handle for now, Come on" he gestured. "Let's get something to drink. I feel like I've been stuck on Tatooine without a moisture vaporator for the past twelve years."

"I'm a bit parched also" she replied, following behind him.

After handing her a tumbler, Carth began, "So, from the look on your face earlier I assume you never received the message I left for you?"

"No" she shook her head. "I'm afraid I have not had a chance to check my personal messages for the past few days." She gave him a questioning look.

"Well" he took in a breath and then released it just as his hand ran through his hair. "I decided to take a different approach to keeping the Republic strong. That, and the fact that the opportunity presented itself at just the right time."

"So you have gone back to being a commander." It wasn't really a question, just a statement.

"Actually," he grinned mischievously, "I've been promoted to Commodore."

"Congratulations, that is a surprise" although she didn't seem very sincere.

She quickly continued, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that you have been…"

"It's okay, I know what you meant" he laughed. "I was surprised myself. So, anyway, um, how are you?" he asked, hoping she would understand what he was actually trying to ask.

"Oh Jedi business, you know. Always something to do." She avoided his question deliberately.

She changed the subject, "For a new Commodore and such a large vessel, there are sure a lot of empty crew quarters."

"Yeah, Republic business, you know." He replied, stepping around her question.

They both took another sip from their tumblers, each waiting for the other to continue.

Carth moved towards the large table, setting his tumbler down first, and then slowly resting his body into the seat in front of it. He placed his hands on the table and locked his fingers together, sending her the message that he was prepared to wait as long as necessary. He then looked up at her.

Juhani briefly called to the force and then began, "I have three passengers, it was a rescue mission. One is recovering in the med bay now. I request she not be disturbed."

He nodded in compliance.

Juhani breathed a silent sigh of relief that he did not question the matter. "We are to return to Coruscant as soon as your business is complete, which I am sure you are already aware."

"Yes, what I'm not aware of though is why you were on Malachor V."

"As I told you, it was a rescue mission."

"Some rescue mission, you didn't even have enough fuel to travel half a parsec away from the planet" he scoffed.

"That had already been taken into consideration. Little did I know I'd be meeting up with a pilot, excuse me, _Commodore_, who wouldn't even know where the hell his ship was located!" her voice rising as she finished her sentence. All the stress from the past few days came to a rolling boil within her and she tried to calm herself.

Setting the tumbler on the table, she turned to leave, pausing only to say, "I believe we are through here, if there is anything more that needs to be said you may contact me via the comm, I'm sure that way you won't get lost." With that she stormed from the room, upset with herself that she had let this simple exchange make her so angry.

Carth sighed as Juhani exited the galley. "Well, that went well" he expressed to the empty room. He finished the liquid from his tumbler and rinsed it out. Turning around he was about to grab hers and do the same before deciding that he had enough to do on this ship without taking care of his new crewmates too. They could clean up after their own mess.

He headed back towards the cockpit, pausing for a quick stop in his personal fresher, before continuing on to read over the logs.

-------------------------

Revan stirred, slowly taking in her surroundings. Feeling a bit unsettled, she reached into her mind to recall the events that might have brought her here. Slowly the events played through in her mind like an old holovid.

She sat upright, thinking of the children. Immediately she felt dizzy and relaxed her body back onto the slab. She reached out through the force searching for them. They were safe, they were here too. She was about to send them a message when she stopped, she concentrated, listening to them chatter back and forth.

"Something is wrong, can you not feel it Aaron? Concentrate."

"I don't think anything is wrong, it just feels … bigger. Like I have to concentrate harder to make it smaller, but then it's too much. And…"

"But it's never felt like that way before. Wait, someone else is here."

"It's Ma'ma, she's awake." Revan could feel the joy flowing from Aaron as she smiled to herself, to him.

They were coming to see her, she rose, slowly this time. She thought of their conversation, how they were feeling the growing power of the force now that the dark taint of Malachor V was gone.

She had known this day would come, when she could no longer train them personally. She wondered if she had succeeded in convincing herself that they held no hidden darkness within them. But that was not going to be available to her anymore, nor could it be her concern, it would be left to the Jedi Masters.

She had much to do to ready the children for their acceptance into the Jedi Order and not much time left to do it. Events, the Force, had determined it was time.

She felt an emptiness already growing in her heart. One that would take up residence next to the hole that had been left four years ago, when she left Carth, when she started on this journey. Would one replace the other? Would the hole just grow bigger, gaining momentum before it crushed her? Would the never ending waves that were her life, _ever_ stop crashing in around her, or would they just swallow her whole, like a tsunami?

But she couldn't think of that now, there would be plenty of time later, when she was experiencing it. Right now though, her time with the children was almost over and she needed to maintain some semblance of sanity.

She rose from the cot, smoothing the tattered robes as best she could and opened the door. She moved to the floor, crossing her legs, preparing her body for their leap into her waiting arms.

-------------------

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_Removes begging - THANKS to everyone who is following along. All comments, criticisms, questions and bantha dung accepted. _


	13. Chapter 13

Juhani watched the children as they silently communicated with one another. Her thoughts drifted to what journey may layahead ofthem.

She wondered how they would take to leaving their mother, the only person they had ever known, outside of herself and Canderous. That was their destiny though, and if they were indeed the twin children from the Council's vision, prophecy, then their future would not be with Revan, for that path was not in the stars.

She drifted back to when the Council had requested her presence. She had entered the chambers and was shocked to see Revan standing there.

"Juhani, I knew I could trust you, and, I'm sorry." was all that Revan had said before the Council began to explain.

"Padawan, a great path has revealed itself to us. We have been unsure of it's meaning, but now that Jedi Revan has come to us, we must act on what we believe."

"A prophecy has been discovered. The paths of two twin children, a boy and a girl, will help aid in the restoration of balance to The Force."

"The dark side will call to one of them and that future is uncertain, but could pose a grave danger to the Galaxy."

"The power in one of them is strong, very strong, stronger than any Jedi we have ever seen. We can only assume it is from inheriting the strong force that flows from one or both parents."

Juhani was confused but she tried to appear indifferent. What were they saying? A child, no, twins, of a Jedi? How could this even happen, Jedi were forbidden to love. She paused as she remembered Revan's presence in the room, along with the words she had spoken upon her arrival. But Carth wasn't a Jedi, no, she must be confused.

The Masters continued:

"These children have been conceived of one who has fallen to the dark side; that much is clear from the Prophecy. We feel that Jedi Revan may carry these children."

So it is true! She looked to Revan, noting the small movement as her friend's lips stretched out across her face, not in frown but more of, and then she heard her through the force "What can I say, I have a baby, they have a prophecy."

She snapped out of her memory long enough to realize this was one of the last times that Revan had made a comment to her that seemed of her true identity. In the later years, on Juhani's many trips to deliver necessary supplies, Revan had always appeared to have the stance and attitude more resembling of a council member than the old friend she remembered.

She went back to her memories, recalling the moment she gained the courage to speak, "But Revan is not of the dark side any longer; surely any child conceived by her would not fulfill this prophecy."

"True, we do not believe Revan to be of the dark side no longer" Master Vander spoke and then remained silent.

Realization dawned on Juhani and she turned to her friend, "But Carth? Is he not the father?" her gaze tore from Revan, to the council and then moved back to her friend.

"Revan?"

Silence.

"Answer me, Revan, answer me!" she cried out.

"Juhani" she began, her arms rose, faltered, then returned to her side. Revan looked at the ground, to the Council, at each Jedi Master standing before them. Slowly her gaze turned to Juhani, "Truth is, I do not know."

After what seemed like hours Revan continued, "Something, something happened on the Star Forge. I can't remember what, but I know how I felt afterwards and it had always made me wonder."

Revan looked around for support from someone, anyone, but found none. "I felt violated and something in me snapped, maybe it was the pressure of our journey, the pull of the dark-side, I don't know." She paused, turning her gaze upward in an obvious attempt to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Slowly she brought them back to rest on Juhani. "But there is a possibility."

"You can find out" she screamed to her friend, ignoring the call to remain composed and emotionless in front of the Council. "Force Revan, it's a simple test!"

"I, I…" Revan stammered, "I do not wish to know."

"WHY THE HELL NOT!" Juhani screamed, letting the anger flow freely, ignoring the disapproving glances from the Masters.

The silence in the great hall became unbearable until finally one of the Masters spoke, "The bond with Bastilla has indeed been blocked, you may speak freely Jedi Revan. She should have the honor of the entire truth."

Now that Juhani thought about it, the silence must have been the force communication of Revan, worried about her force bond, and then the Council Members as they concentrated to ensure the bond had indeed been blocked. She had been so blinded by her own fury she had been ignorant to the exchange.

Revan, obviously feeling a bit of relief now, spoke, though the words did not flow freely.

"If there is a chance, if my child, my children." She paused, taking in a deep breath before continuing, "If they show signs of the dark side, I…" Revan looked pale, so pale and fragile at that moment. Juhani had wanted to go to her side, to comfort her, to let her know that everything would be alright. Instead she remained frozen, waiting for the next part to come from Revan. And when it did, Juhani felt her world spiraling around her.

"I … I will have to stop it, stop them"

Juhani didn't understand, the Jedi didn't hurt people; they didn't plan for such atrocities. She fell to the floor, noticing Revan running from the room, obviously in just as a precarious emotional state as she herself felt. But she couldn't help her friend now, she couldn't understand herself. She was spiraling downward and didn't know where she would land.

And then she felt the hand of Master Vrook, of all people, on her shoulder. He sent a wave of thoughts and comprehension through her and slowly she began to accept the reality of what had just played out before her.

Bits and pieces, each holding a deeper meaning ran through her mind. Wave after wave coursed through her as she felt the enormity of their meaning:

The council was fearful, the Jedi were few, there was a prophecy, it was the will of the force, Revan was the strongest Jedi ever seen, what would her children be like, if they were dark it would be the end of the galaxy, Revan had taken this upon herself, had requested it, she was willing to sacrifice her life, her future, even Carth, Revan was scared, didn't want to know if the children were Carth's or Malak's, wouldn't be able to carry out what needed to be done, had to shield herself, wanted to protect Carth from finding out, worried about her friends, the galaxy...

"NOOOOOOOOoooooooooo" she screamed, "I can't take any more."

"And now you understand" was all Master Vrook has said before leaving her on the floor of the chamber. When she had finally gained the courage to look up, they had all gone. She was alone.


	14. Chapter 14

She had tried, tried to remain distant from the young babies that had grown in her body. Even after they had been born, with Juhani's help, she had remained guarded. Perhaps she even thought small monsters would be born, complete with claws and horns. That would have made it easy.

For a time she had doubted the council's prophecy, but once a daughter and then a son had emerged from her womb she let go of all of her suspicions.

Their names had just come naturally to her, although she knew nothing of what they might mean, or if it was even significant. She just knew what their names would be once she saw them.

It was then they had become individuals. Little beings, looking to her for their most basic needs in life. She had kept herself removed from emotion, looking upon them as future threats or perhaps saviors.

It would have been so easy then, to not comply with their cries, to end the possible destiny that awaited them. The threat they might present to the Republic and the Jedi.

But her mind also raced with thoughts that they might fulfill the prophecy and help restore balance to the galaxy. _And that they may be Carth's_. She couldn't let the Jedi down, she had already done that once in her life. Her life was now theirs. She accepted that.

At least she tried to accept it, every day she tried. Not a day passed that she didn't battle the dark side within her, the one that told her she was making a mistake. The side that wanted her to return to Carth. To pretend these were his children, to watch him enjoy having a family once again.

She pushed those thoughts from her mind. She didn't know if Carth was the rightful father, and to deceive him would be unimaginable. And to tell him there was a possibility that another was the paternal parent – well that thought left her feeling even worse. How could she ever tell him. Explain to him that she had, most likely, succumbed to Malak and had done it while thinking of _him_.

As she thought of this scenario her vision blurred and her eyes burned white hot with tears. Just as they had every day since the moment she had realized what might have happened during her lapse. It had become more frequent once she knew she had a life growing inside of her.

----------

They had been at the cantina and she tried to use her force power, just to sway the young Rodian's mind, but it had gone completely wrong. It was then she knew something was wrong, horribly wrong with her.

Earlier, on her last mission for the council, a similar thing had happened. Only this time she had two Padawans with her. They had not been able to escape without the use of their lightsabers. The Padawans had been thrilled, but she could only feel confusion.

She had sought out the council, telling them of what actually had transpired on her Star Forge mission, along with the current situations. The rest had become a blur. They had known, or at least suspected, since one of their first questions had been if there was a chance she was pregnant.

They spoke of some prophecy that had revealed itself many, many years ago. They didn't know when it would be fulfilled but couldn't ignore the eerie coincidences surrounding the present.

She remembered her jaw dropping at the thought of being pregnant, and then the dawning realization of the past few months. Yes, there were measures one could take to prevent such a thing, but not for a Jedi, not for someone who had been on a mission to find the Star Forge. Her mind had reeled and raced. And then the memories, the painful memories, leaving her with only the truth. She had simply nodded and let herself be led away.

The plans had been made after the first round of tests. Originally they had just wanted to take the child, or children, from her immediately. But she had fought them on this, she had told them it was her responsibility. Had _convinced _them, to let her travel to a remote planet where they wouldn't be discovered, where the dark force would either help to bring out the taint within them or make them stronger. To the place where she had so much to answer for herself, the planet that would allow for their force powers to develop at a normal rate, no matter what their power was. The place known as Malachor V.

The test results had been confirmed for the third time before she finally allowed herself to leave the safe haven of the Jedi Temple. To spend one more day with the man she loved before she would have to tell him goodbye.

-------------------

She remembered him waking up, a bit surprised that she had already set out a cup of caffa for him. He had always been the one to rise first.

He strolled over to her as she sat at the table, looking down at her face he cupped it in his hands and leaned in for a kiss. "I love you babe."

He then moved to the chair in front of his caffa and relaxed his body into it. "You didn't come home last night, secret Jedi stuff?" he inquired as his sipped at the hot liquid.

"Yeah, something like that" she rose from her seat, moving to the bed. She sprawled out, patting the spot next to her, "Come here."

He complied without hesitation, deciding to lie down instead of just sitting next to her. Reaching over to pull her into an awkward hug, he kissed her softly. "What's wrong beautiful?"

She moved her hand, caressing his face before letting it glide to his shoulder, then down his back. "Nothing, I just wanted you to know that I love you."

He grinned at her then, reaching out to play with her hair, "I love you too."

She became lost as he nuzzled his face into her neck, kissing it softly, before moving his lips up towards hers. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in closer to her kiss. Arching her body, she let everything else vanish, leaving herself to enjoy the last moments that she would have with the man she loved.

------------

She had spent the rest of the day talking with her friends and crewmates, just enjoying their company for the last time.

Pulling Jolee aside, she informed him that she knew of his knowledge of the situation. "Keep my flyboy strong old man, help him to move on."

"Bah, I'm too old to play cupid, if you want that you'll have to do it yourself! Way I see it, you have no right to be leaving in the first place."

"Jolee please, this is hard enough."

"Must mean something then, if you care to listen to what it might be telling you. Take care then, if that's your decision" he shot her a glance "Perhaps you'd like to hear about this woman who once …"

"Jolee! This is serious and I don't have time for stories. Do what you can okay? Please?"

She waited for him to acknowledge her plea, but gave up after it became apparent he wasn't going to say anything further on the matter. Strolling back to the apartment, she began to contemplate how she was going to break the news to Carth.


	15. Chapter 15

"Revan, there is something you need to know" Juhani began.

Revan stood in complete shock as she heard Juhani tell her that the pilot of the ship they were on was Carth. Her mind whirled so fast she felt dizzy and had to reach out to steady herself. Juhani was still telling her something but she couldn't hear her anymore.

Excitement mixed with fear, joy with sorrow, love with regret. She tried to get a grip on the flood of emotion and thoughts that were swirling within her.

"I don't know how I'm going to face him Juhani" she cried out desperately.

"This is what is meant to be, you will find a way."

"But I can't, how can I, I'm not ready. Not like this, not now."

"You will and you must, I will tell him to wait for you in the galley."

"NO!" she knew Juhani would tell him if she didn't, "I will tell him myself, but I need some time."

"Very well, I'll take care of Aaron and Ariana for you."

Revan nodded as her mind began to swirl again at the mention of her children. "I can't tell him everything, not now, not yet."

Juhani shot her a look and Revan knew exactly what she was thinking.

She replied back at Juhani through the force_, If I can avoid it I will, this is a personal matter and I'd prefer if you kept your thoughts to yourself. _

"Truth by omission Revan? I'm afraid you won't be able to play that game."

_I can try!_

Deciding against a live communication, Revan composed her message and programmed it to be delivered in 30 minutes. _That'll keep me from backing out,_ she thought. The rest of the time was spent preparing for the big meeting, but when the beep sounded, letting her know that her message had been received, she didn't feel the least bit ready.

--------------------------

"_I hope you're sitting down Carth because I'm about to give you a big surprise. I am here with Juhani. We, obviously, need to talk so I hope you can meet me in the galley in a few minutes."_

Carth had been sitting down but he still collapsed the moment he heard her voice on the recorded message. He didn't hear anything past his name, lost in his own thoughts. After replaying the message a second time a look of shock overcame his face, this time he remembered nothing after, _I'm here with Juhani_.

Trying to get a grip on himself, he swore he'd hear the complete message this time as he listened once more.

He didn't fare any better the third time, running from the room the minute he heard _meet me in the galley_. He tore down the hall, his mind racing as fast as his legs. His hand smacked into the hard metal as he cut the last corner too closely but his gait wasn't slowed at all. There was too much happiness flowing through him to even notice any pain it may have caused.

He entered the galley but was alone. Wondering if perhaps she hadn't meant immediately he began to pace back and forth, mad at himself for not having the patience to listen to the entire message.

The minutes stretched and he became more agitated. He was pacing, running his hand through his hair every few seconds. If she didn't show up in the next few minutes he decided he would begin searching the entire ship.

And then there she was, beautiful as ever. He thought he would die from joy.

------------------------

As she entered the room she saw his face light up, a huge smile stretching out so far that it overshadowed all his other features.

Relief, shock, amazement and a host of other emotions all poured out of a singe word as he spoke her name, "Revan".

He moved towards her, reaching out to pull her into an embrace.

"Carth, no," she moved away from him, scanning the room for something to stand behind, an obstacle to prevent him from approaching her again.

"I'm sorry, I am happy to see you too, but, we should talk first." She replied.

"Alright" he breathed, but she could tell he wasn't alright. He looked hurt and the smile had vanished, replaced with concern and even a touch of anger.

"It's been awhile, you look good Carth." She smiled at him.

"You were the patient recovering in the medbay?" he asked.

She grinned and he continued, concern showing in his voice, "What happened? Are you alright?"

"I was just careless. I'm fine now, thanks to Juhani."

"Have you been on Malachor V all this time?"

She nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me before? Why the note?"

She looked away but he continued, "Tell me, I deserve to know!"

How could she tell him that it would have been too hard to do face-to-face? How she had feared that should would not have been strong enough to hide the truth from him.

And now, now she was fearing that all over again. She knew the strength of Revan, former Dark Lord and Savior of the galaxy, would not enough to help her through this.

She looked up at him with pleading eyes, trying to explain but the words would not come.

"Carth I couldn't …" she stammered, spreading her hands out in a gesture that expressed utter confusion and loss for words.

She sighed and tried again, moving towards the door as she spoke,

"You … you don't understand, I"

"DAMN RIGHT I don't!" he bellowed.

His arm shot out, pressing against the wall, cutting off her retreat and her words at the same time.

"Care to fill me in or are we back to a note? Should I check your pillow tomorrow?"

She cringed at the ferocity of his anger and tried to duck under his arm so she could continue her retreat.

"Oh, no you don't" he sneered, moving his entire body in front of the doorway.

"I've waited for you for four years. FOUR YEARS, Revan. Never knowing why, if perhaps it was something I'd done. Wondering if you were safe, waking up _every single day", _his voice stressing each syllable, "hoping it was the day that you would walk back into my life."

Anger hid any trace of the sparkle that she longed to see as he stared her straight in the eyes, his voice rising, "I _deserve_ some answers sister and if you haven't noticed, you're on MY ship and it's not going ANYWHERE until I get them!"

How could she tell him? How did she even begin to explain? He had once told her that she would know when he was angry. Indeed she thought she had already seen the worst of his anger during the quest for the Star Forge, but she had been wrong. None of that compared to the cold, seething fury from the man that stood before her now, the man, who only moments ago, had wanted to embrace her.

She was the reason for his rage, she was the target of it too and she knew she would have to tell him something. Her heart felt like it was being ripped into a thousand pieces. She wondered if he was feeling the same way. "Let's just calm down okay, I'll …"

"CALM DOWN! How dare you patronize me. I can't _believe_ this! Do you hear yourself? You haven't told me ONE DAMN thing this entire time and I'm supposed to CALM down!"

"Carth, I'm sorry, I, It's just," she let out an exasperated sigh, "I'll talk, but you really need to stop yelling, let's sit down and" she stopped in mid-sentence as his communicator sprang to life.

"Damn," he muttered, "I have to take this."

Revan was already moving around him, exiting the room.

He leaned out the doorway and called out, "THIS ISN'T OVER!" before turning back to the incoming message from the scouts.

_No it isn't,_ she thought, _but I avoided telling you anything for at least another day_.

She had survived their first meeting. It would be easier the next time she hoped. This was just hard because it was their first reunion. The precedence had been set. Next time he wouldn't try to come close, to hug her. Nor would he have that huge smile that had melted her heart.

It had taken every amount of resolve she could muster to avoid draping her arms around him, kissing him once more. She quickly pushed the thoughts away. She needed to be strong, there was no room for anything else. Swallowing back the tears that threatened to come pouring out, she entered her room.

The kids were already asleep and she moved to tuck them in before collapsing onto the floor. Juhani looked at her expectantly but left the room when Revan began the meditation that would occupy her for the rest of the night.


	16. Chapter 16

Early the next morning Revan left her meditative state, knowing she needed to see Carth before the kids woke up. She would also have to apologize to Juhani and hoped the Cathar would understand her reluctance to speak last night.

Giving them each a kiss on their foreheads before leaving she began to let her mind wander to how things might have been if events on the Star Forge had played out differently. She was still lost in these thoughts when she opened the door and let out a gasp.

--------------------------------------------

Carth felt like he had been on an emotional pod-racer ride ever since hearing Revan's voice, finding out she was both alive and on his ship.

He didn't really know what he thought their reunion would be like. He had been sure though that it would have involved a long embrace, followed by an even longer kiss. Instead he got neither.

At first he thought she was just nervous. But then, when it seemed like she wanted to bolt from the room at the first opportunity, he realized something was wrong.

Her small talk and short replies began to annoy him. He couldn't believe they weren't laughing, sharing stories and feeling relief that they were together again. Instead it was awkward. He felt like he didn't know her anymore. His mind was unable to wrap itself around any of her actions or words. Even their first days together on Taris hadn't felt that uncomfortable. The tension had pulsed between them and surrounded the room in a dense fog.

Anger, coupled with bewilderment, had refused to be held at bay any longer. He had started yelling and she still refused to talk.

When his communicator went off he had to resist the impulse to just throw it against the nearest wall. His lucky day had turned into a nightmare.

The report from the scout had added to his irritation as he discovered that the two scouts had been separated. Carth didn't hide his anger and finished his verbal lashing with the orders, "Find him, Now!"

Although the report had indeed upset him, he knew Revan was the true cause of his fury.

"That woman drives me nuts!" he had fumed.

It was late and he knew it would be best to get his emotions in check before speaking with Revan again.

He had gone to his quarters, stretching out in the large bed afforded to the captain of the vessel. He wished she were there with him. She was supposed to be, the way he had always figured, when she finally returned. He never thought they would sleep apart once they had been reunited.

He had tossed and turned, never catching more then a few moments of rest before his mind would start buzzing with thoughts. Hours would pass before he would drift off again, only to wake a few minutes later, his mind moving like light speed once more.

Eventually he gave up trying to sleep, tossing the covers aside he headed to the fresher. His mind still wouldn't stop and he began to think he would drive himself mad.

The decision to busy himself with routine chores didn't fare any better then his attempt at sleep. The only person that could help stop this madness was Revan. He went in search of her room, deciding to just sit and wait quietly outside her door until she awoke.


	17. Chapter 17

Revan was shocked to see Carth standing outside her room. He looked like he hadn't slept much, dark rings shadowed eyes that were filled with desperation.

"I told you this wasn't over."

"Fine, but not here, let's go get some caffa." She quickly shut the door, blocking out his view of the interior with her body.

"Okay fine" he replied, grabbing her hand, he pulled her down the corridor. She felt her stomach do flips as the reality that his hand was in hers swept through her mind. His fingers moved to lace together with hers and she felt her face flush with excitement.

She stopped in her tracks, pulling her hand back. Carth appeared to have been anticipating the move. Their hands didn't slip apart, instead his whole body pulled back, pinning her against the cold wall. He brought his other hand up, sweeping it through her hair as he leaned in to kiss her.

She felt a shiver course through her body and didn't know if it was from pleasure or simply the metal wall. She stood frozen, savoring his touch, feeling the closeness of his body, anticipating the kiss that was filling her with desire.

As much as she wanted to receive and return that kiss, she knew she couldn't. She turned her head away, wrestling to break free of his grasp.

She spat out in a whisper, "Don't you _ever_ try something like that again." Shooting him an icy stare to drive home her remark, she walked down the corridor not bothering to see if he followed.

When they reached the kitchen Revan quickly moved to begin brewing a pot of caffa.

"What the hell is wrong with you? What happened to you?" Carth asked in exasperation.

"Four years happened Carth. Seems there was this note, left on a pillow, told you to keep the Republic strong. I don't remember it saying anything about pining around, waiting for me. Obviously I wasn't clear enough so I'll be clear now." She gathered up all her strength and turned to face him.

"It's over Carth, it was over four years ago, only, you just chose not to believe it." She was amazed at how even and cold her words sounded.

"It seems you prefer life when you have something you're searching for, something you've made '_your cause'_. First, the Wars, then Saul and now me. Well, it's time to find a new cause. I can't be the reason for your sad pathetic life any longer." She turned back around, waiting for the caffa to finish brewing.

She tried to tell herself she was only protecting him, she needed him to believe her words and knew this would be the only way. But it still did not lessen the pain caused by speaking them to him. She couldn't stop the guilt she felt nor could she bear to see his face. She had watched the growing shock and sadness that had come over it while she spoke.

Carth sat in stunned silence. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. He replayed each word in his head as the caffa slowly brewed. Revan had still not turned around.

He should have been angry but he only felt pain. Pain at her words and in the cruel delivery of them. Most importantly, pain as the realization hit that Revan didn't love him any more. His world was spiraling out of control once again.

"Why?" he finally asked.

Minutes passed before Revan finally turned around, placing two mugs on the table.

Appearing stronger then she actually felt, especially after delivering such a crushing blow to the man she loved, she began her explanation.

"I am a Jedi Carth. I cannot just ignore that and pretend I am like others. My life is different. It was only a matter of time before we would have both realized that things would not work out with us. I simply sped up the process. We were just fooling ourselves." _Keep saying it Revan, maybe you can convince yourself, _she thought

"We were caught in a moment, in a mission, that took us from one emotional upheaval to another. I'm surprised we're both as stable as we are after all that. The Jedi need me, my missions would have taken me further away, for longer periods of time. That wasn't fair to either of us. I've been on this mission for almost four years. I needed to concentrate on things, I couldn't be distracted. We're different, you and I, we both have a different path."

_Calm Onasi, you need to remain calm. _He repeated it in his head a few times before answering, immediately forgetting his vow.

"Revan, you are giving me a load of bantha dung. I want answers. If you felt the relationship was moving too fast we could have slowed down. You are right, we went through hell on that mission which is why I can't believe you just up and left. No discussion, no plan, almost as if it were temporary, now you speak as if it was final."

"I'm sorry" was the only pathetic response she could muster.

"Did you ever mean to come back or were you planning to avoid me forever?"

"I wasn't avoiding you" regretting the words before she even said them, she knew they were false and he knew it too. She had given him an opportunity to doubt her previous words and could only hope he hadn't picked up on it.

"You know, it seems you could check up on me whenever you wanted, but I didn't know anything. I didn't know where you were, if you were safe. Force, I don't even know if this encounter was pre-arranged on your part."

He was fishing for information and she could tell he was trying to remain calm. The grip he held on the mug made her fearful that it might shatter at any moment.

"Believe me Carth, I didn't know you would be here. It's not what I wanted. And I certainly didn't want to be ripped apart by a Rancor just to try and convince you otherwise."

"So I'm supposed to believe that? Can you tell me, did you ever want to see me again?"

"Seeing you is the last thing I wanted" she cried.

She noticed him wince and tried to soften her words, "I'm sorry Carth, I didn't mean it like that."

He pressed on and she began to tire of his interrogation. She knew it would only get worse.

"So you thought our relationship might be holding you back, from the Jedi?"

Exasperated, she cried out, "Can you _possibly_ wrap your thick skull around the fact that there may be more important things then _us_. Then what you or I want?"

He seemed to be ignoring anything she was trying to say. He had his own agenda.

"Can we rebuild? Is there any chance for us?" He began to get angry, slamming his mug down on the table, "Dammit, I _trusted_ you!"

The meaning behind those words hit her like a force push. Trust, and the betrayal that usually followed, had always been his biggest foe. Revan hung her head in shame, holding back the tears that were welling up inside. She couldn't look at him anymore and rose to leave, staring at the grey plates on the floor.

"No, don't leave." He sighed, rubbing his face with his palms. "I know I don't own you or control you. I'm sorry if I ever came across that way."

"Carth, you would have done the same in my situation."

He rose from the table himself now, "How can you say that? How dare you assume to know what I would have done!"

His fist hammered down on the table, making his mug shake. "Did you think I valued my position more than you! Have you forgotten that I left my command for you, for US? Dammit woman, look at me!"

She held her head up but her gaze was looking past him, "I am a JEDI, Carth."

"You can't keep running Rev, you can't hide behind your Jedi excuses while denying it at the same time."

Confusion spread across her face so he continued, "If you believe so strongly in your Jedi teachings, then how can you deny this chance encounter, if that's what it is. Continue denying that the force has brought us together again?"

"I don't have all the answers Carth, I haven't had time to think. Things have happened so fast. I … I … think maybe I'm supposed to give you closure, so you can move on."

"I don't want to move on! I want to be with you. There are more important things than being a Jedi!" he voice rose as he spoke, control leaving him.

"But you have to move on" she pleaded, looking directly at him now.

"Why? To what?"

"To _your_ destiny Carth, to help the Republic."

"I don't fracking care about the Republic! YOU are what's important to me!"

Her mouth dropped, "You are a career soldier, how can you say that!"

"I've been a career soldier long enough!" he shot out.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Immediately she began to speak,

"This is why the Jedi frown on love. You are forgetting what is important. We are both too important to the cause to hold our relationship above anything else. These self indulging thoughts weaken the Republic and allow Jedi to fall to the Dark side."

His fury rose as he took three steps towards her, "Stop it with that banthashit. I mean that's, that's … _the cause," _he scoffed. "I fought for _the cause_ once and lost everything I had! I'm not going to make that same mistake again."

Tears began streaming down her face, "It's not just your decision alone to make Carth."

"So this has all been about some mission? Why couldn't you just have told me!"

She was having an all out battle with her emotions and couldn't stop the tears, they were flowing freely now. She was sobbing and her body was ready to start convulsing as she tried to regain control. "Carth, there are some things …"

Her words were cut short by a small voice, "Ma'ma are you okay?"


	18. Chapter 18

Carth turned towards the voice before the words even registered in his mind. _"Ma'ma are you okay?" _The words slowly sank in and he stood there dumbfounded.

He watched as Revan brushed away her tears then moved to the little boy, speaking as she did, "I'm fine sweetie, what are you doing up so early?"

She picked him up in her arms, moving her hip out slightly to support his weight. His arms wrapped around his mother as he rested his head on her. She kissed the top of his hair before turning back to Carth. "I'm sorry, I have to go" her eyes looking to the child in her arms.

Carth remained silent. He had watched the entire exchange but it hadn't seemed real. His mind was still stuck on the words and then the movement by Revan, her actions confirming that she had a relationship with the boy.

He stood there for severalminutes after she had left the room.The scenario played over and over in his head. Asthis minutes passedhe began to think that it hadn't been real.

Perhaps his mind had been so exhausted that it was playing tricks on him. He was still standing there frozen, running those thoughts around in his headand then slowlyhiseyes began tosearch the room. He was lookingfor anything that would confirm the reality of the encounter.

He noticed the caffa mugs, _Well, at least I know someone else was here, unless I've taken to drinking two cups at once. _

There was nothing to confirm the presence of the little boy. He had left as quickly as he had entered. Carth began to think Revan had played some Jedi mind trick on him, in an attempt to avoid any further discussion.

Nagging at the back of his mind however was doubt. If it were a trick why did Revan have the little boy call her ma'ma?

He shook his head, as if doing so would make everything clear. And actually it seemed to help.

Finally moving from the position he had remained in for the past ten minutes, he started walking towards the other end of the ship.

He didn't know enough about kids to put an actual age to the little boy, but he guessed somewhere between three and five. Doing the math in his head, he figured Revan had either had a child before the Star Forge journey or shortly after. She certainly had not been pregnant during their journey.

_Wait though, she been Darth Revan then, or more accurately, had been recovering from being the Dark Lord. Perhaps that was why Bastilla had saved her, she had felt the life growing inside her foes body. And Revan had remained within the confines of the Jedi temple for a long enough period of time to have given birth. Had the Jedi taken her child from her? Was that why she had left? Did she think that he wouldn't have accepted her child? _

He thought back through the Star Forge mission searching for a hint that Revan had known she was a parent. She had helped him find Dustil, had taken to Sasha. It made sense, but yet, he felt like she would have told him, if she had known.

He wasn't anxious to think of the other possibilities. Actually, he had been trying not to think of them, by playing through the other scenario so thoroughly. But he couldn't avoid them any longer.

_There was another man in Revan's life, the father of that child. Perhaps something had happened to him, or their relationship had gone bad, or he could be waiting for her somewhere. Was that the reason for her cold attitude towards him? Why she insisted he needed to move on, without her? _His mind wondered who it could be,_ did she meet him after she had left or was he the reason she left? _A stab of jealousy coursed through him.

He couldn't even believe it, it just felt so wrong. _Yeah, I'm sure that's what every man thinks when someone they love leaves them for someone else. _

And finally, the last scenario, the one he had avoided and couldn't believe the most. Was that _his _child? He tried to remember what the boy had looked like, but his mind was cloudy. Revan had kissed the boys head, his hair had been a light brown but he couldn't recall any facial features. _I should have paid more attention to what he looked like._

_No, that didn't make sense. Revan would have told him if she was pregnant. There would have been no reason for her not to. Plus she would have been happy to see him, instead of avoiding him like the plague all these years, and then being so cold towards him now. _He found himself wishing that this was the true scenario but knew it was impossible.

Deciding that the first option was the most likely true one, he began to get angry at the Jedi for taking away morefrom Revan once again. He had to find a way to get through to her, to let her know he didn't care. That he understood and still wanted to be with her. That he would accept the child. Things would be okay, she should have just told him.

He arrived at his destination and knocked on the door.


	19. Chapter 19

Juhani opened her door, an obviously shaken Carth stood before her.

"We need to talk" he voice sounded rushed. "Revan won't and now, well something happened."

"Come in Carth, but I'm afraid I won't be able to tell you much. What happened?"

"We were talking and I thought, maybe, she might finally tell me something, something besides all the lies she's been dancing around. And then this boy, this little boy around 4 years old came in." He looked at her, disbelief playing across his face.

A gasp escaped Juhani's mouth, "Aaron?"

"So he does exist? Good, I was beginning to think I was going crazy, or maybe Revan had played some mind trick on me." Relief crossed his face.

"Juhani, is that Revan's son? He called her mother, well ma'ma actually, with some accent. He emphasized the first syllable" Carth knew he was rambling but he didn't care, he was busy sorting his thoughts as he spoke.

"I think you already know the answer, you don't need me to tell you."

"Yes, yes I do."

"Carth, I cannot tell you what you really want to know. That is Revan's story to tell."

"And if she won't?" his eyes narrowed.

"Then that will be her choice."

With nothing more to say Carth left, resisting the temptation to walk the few steps to Revan's quarters. Instead he returned to his room, exhaustion finally allowing him some of his deprived sleep.

----------------------------------------------------

Revan spent the remainder of the morning with Aaron and Ariana. They meditated for awhile before she spoke of what their new life would be like at the Jedi Temple.

They were filled with curiosity and had many questions. Most were easy to answer, but a few were hard, especially when they asked if she would be there with them.

She spoke truthfully, telling them that she didn't know what would happen, but that usually children who trained to become a Jedi weren't allowed contact with their parents. She reminded them that they already knew this, she had always been truthful with them about their destiny.

They had been sad, but held back from crying. Already, at such a young age, they expressed strong Jedi control over their emotions. Were her teachings the reason or did it came to them naturally?

Her heart was filled with love for the two beings that had defined her life for the past four years and she wondered if they had already surpassed her. She still couldn't control her emotions but they could. Did they even feel for her what she felt for them, but she knew they did, they were just strong, handled it differently. They were true Jedi. She stopped her mind from thinking that this could also be a route to darkness.

Their time was cut short when Juhani entered and told Revan that a council member wished to speak with her. The signal would be arriving in the next few minutes.

"After that, perhaps you should go speak to Carth." Juhani spoke as if it were an order and Revan felt herself getting angry at her. Having no time to address the issue, she turned and went to wait for the call.

While she waited for the transmission she thought to how easily she had been upset since leaving Malachor V. While on the planet she had held off its darkness while raising two children. She had felt like a true Jedi. Now though, back in deep space, she was having a hard time understanding everything. She actually found herself wishing to be back there.

Aside from the children expressing darkness, facing Carth had been her biggest fear and now she was in that very position. Perhaps this was a test. She resolved herself to make sure she passed it, to keep her emotions in line and continue on her Jedi path.

The message came through, startling Revan out of her thoughts.

"Some business to take care of you have"

"Yes Master, I was just with the children now."

"Not children, speak with other you must"

"I'm trying..."

"NO try, just do, before returning you must"

"Yes Master, I'll go now."

She was infuriated; they always made her feel so, so… she calmed herself. She couldn't take the anger she was feeling at herself, for her choices, for her life, out on the Jedi. They had given her a second chance, without them she wouldn't even be alive.

Letting out a deep breath, she moved off to find Carth. She passed by her room, the door open, and gave Juhani an unpleasant glare before continuing on. _So much for Jedi resolve_, she thought.


	20. Chapter 20

Carth was sound asleep when the door alarm went off. Still groggy he stumbled to the door, shirt still absent from his body. Sleep left him immediately as he ushered Revan inside, trying to hide the grin that was trying desperately to escape his mouth.

"I'm sorry to disturb you Carth, I just thought that perhaps we could finish our conversation. I also believe you have some questions, not that you haven't already had your fair share of them." She was trying, but seeing him there, his well toned chest baring itself to her, sent waves of excitement coursing through her body.

Her legs moved before her mind had a chance to argue and she found herself standing in his room, the door closing quietly behind her.

The room was large compared to hers and didn't feel quite as dingy. His desk held stacks of data pads, all neatly arranged. Two chairs and a small table filled the southern space. The bed was a few feet from her and she noticed the covers had been tossed aside. _He must have been sleeping._

He moved to a seat, gesturing for her to take the other, "I'm glad you came."

She didn't move, afraid to walk any closer to him or enter the room any further.

"The boy you saw, he is mine Carth. I'm sorry, I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know how you would feel about having someone so young on your ship, I remember how you were about Sasha and she was older and I just didn't know how to begin. I tried, well not very much, but I…"

He stood up, moving towards her, "It's okay Rev, I'm not angry about him. I just wish you would have told me, before."

She was bewildered, _did he know? No he couldn't_. "His name is Aaron." She didn't know what else to say.

Carth continued to move towards her, "If you thought I wouldn't understand you were wrong. I'm just sorry that you didn't talk to me, before leaving." He stood directly in front of her now.

"Carth I don't know what you know, or what you think you know but I have to tell you…"

"Sshhhh" his arms moved as he embraced her, his hand bringing her head into his sturdy chest.

She didn't shy away this time. Instead she allowed herself to fall into his hold, feeling every touch, every gesture. His arms felt so comforting and she needed that now. She knew she shouldn't be allowing this but she couldn't help herself. All her pain and agony felt like it was being washed away. She sobbed softly, her voice muffled by his body, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

They stood like that for what seemed like hours. Finally, when her sobbing had stopped, his hand moved to raise her face to his and he looked directly into her eyes. "I love you, do you still love me?"

She wanted to tell him yes but she fought with herself. He waited patiently, his eyes never wavering.

She took a deep breathe and the feeling of his body against her chest, pressing closer as she took in the air, made her melt. She held the breath, afraid of the loss when she left it go. But the feeling did not go away, he had pulled her closer with the arm that was still draped around her waist. He held her tight and was waiting for her response.

She couldn't speak, couldn't say the words, instead she found herself reaching out to him. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, one hand moving up through his hair, pushing his head towards her. She looked up, her lips trying desperately to find his.

Pure exhilaration filled her as their lips met, passion giving way to anything she was trying to prevent. His hands were caressing her, moving up until they held her face. They paused for air before their lips became locked again. This time it wasn't so tender as they both kissed each other hard. Hunger for one another overtook them and they stumbled towards the bed.

Revan's arms were moving, her hands covering every inch of his backside as they fell on the bed. She gasped for air and Carth moved to kiss her neck, shivers running through her, she wrapped her legs around his and pulled him in closer with her arms.

His hands moved all over her body as they continued, everything else forgotten. She tried desperately to get control of herself, "Carth."

He was kissing her again, longing evident in his reply, "Mmmmmm".

She wanted to stop but she couldn't, she had gone too far already for that to even be an option. She let four years of waiting have their day as Carth began to unfastened her robes.

The galaxy forgotten, everything else forgotten, they fed the passion that overwhelmed them.

---------------------------

_It feels so good to be in his arms again_.

Her thoughts were interrupted when he spoke, "Do I take that as a yes?"

Carth was resting on his side, his left arm draped around her body while his fingers caressed her.

She had been lying on her back, vacant eyes looking to the ceiling of the room while she replayed the past hour through her head.

When he spoke she turned her head towards him, a look of confusion spreading across her face.

"Well, before you seduced me, I asked if you still loved me, should I take your response as a yes?" he grinned at her mischievously.

She laughed, she couldn't help herself, she felt too peaceful, so happy. "Perhaps I should make you work for your answer?"

"Sounds perfect" he replied, kissing her softly.

She turned her body towards his, reaching out to run her hand over his face. "I don't want this to end, this moment. I don't want to go back to reality Carth."

"I feel the same way beautiful."

She sighed, not wanting to loose the moment, but knew she had to try to explain everything to him.

"I'm serious Carth, there are things you need to know. I'm, I'm not perfect…"

He laughed, loudly, and she felt a twinge of irritation at this response. "Please, I'm trying to be serious here. You need answers and I'm, well I guess I'm ready to give them to you. But I'm scared too Carth."

"Somehow I find that hard to believe, chalk it up to me seeing you take down hordes of Dark Jedi without flinching, or maybe it's just because I know your weak spots." He started tickling her.

She pulled away from him, "Carth, I didn't want for this to happen, I lost control, I'm sorry. You need to understand some things and I'm trying to tell you."

He sighed, "You're right, I do need to understand some things but I'd much rather leave that for a later time. Right now, I think we both deserve to just enjoy one anothers company. What do you say, truce until tomorrow?"

"No Carth, this shouldn't wait, I should have told you before, before…"

"Before you seduced me?" he grinned, pulling her back towards him as he began kissing her again.

She was a complete fool with him, she couldn't help herself. She kissed him back, playfully at first, until they found themselves caught up in another moment of passion. The kisses became longer, deeper, stronger.

"I should go" she murmured between breaths.

"Mmmmmm"

There it was again, the sound that drove her wild. She rolled him over, deciding this time she would have her way. She began by kissing his lips, then slowly moved down to his neck, to his chest, down his stomach…

----------------------

"Did you tell him?" Juhani asked expectantly.

"Not quite, we got um, sidetracked."

"REVAN!" her disapproval was evident.

"Tomorrow, we decided on tomorrow. Now please, I want to spend some time with Aaron and Ariana."

"This is a dangerous game you are playing Revan and I do not approve." Juhani marched off.

_Somehow I knew that. _Actually she didn't approve herself but she also couldn't deny that she didn't really care. Being with Carth had left her feeling complete. She didn't know at what point it had happened, but the realization that her place was at his side had somehow taken hold. It just felt so right to be with him. _No more Jedi code, no more fooling myself._

She thought about trying to see her future through the force but decided against it. _From now on, I'm playing by different rules._


	21. Chapter 21

The internal speakers sprang alive at the same time as the jarring motion hit the ship.

"This is Commodore Onasi, We are under attack by a fleet of Sith fighters. I need someone to head to the lasers. The rest can prepare themselves for the incoming fire we might take."

Revan was up in a flash, eyes quickly darting to the beds where Aaron and Ariana slept. They both stared at her, confused at the rocky movement of the ship.

The hidden meaning of Carth's message played in her head, _Revan stay with your son. _As she moved towards the children she realized she was the one best suited to head to the turrets.

Using the force she sent a message to Juhani, "I will go, you can stay here." At the same time she gestured to the children, responding immediately they left their beds and moved towards her.

"I have to go, stay here with Juhani, she will guide you." She brushed a quick kiss across their foreheads as the door slid open.

Neither woman spoke as they changed positions, Revan leaving the room and Juhani moving to Ariana and Aaron.

----------------------

There were five Sith fighters flying around them. Revan slid into the turret and immediately shot out some random blasts before finally locking onto a target.

The agility of the small ships, compared to the large vessel they were in, made their shots count more then hers did. The ship was taking some hard blasts. Alone the blasts were nothing, but when they were coming from five different directions they made the ship shudder in response.

She knew Carth was trying to outmaneuver the smaller crafts but wasn't having much success due to the large mass of the _Fore Runner._

She needed to talk to him, searching frantically for the communicator while still trying to fire off some shots.

Locating the device, she strapped the headpiece on, locking in on a target but having no success as the ship rocked from another hit.

"Carth, I need you to keep the ship steady, stop trying to outmaneuver them, I can't get an accurate shot off." She returned more fire, noticing that at least one shot had found its target.

"Revan, what the hell are you doing up there, I thought Juhani" his voice was filled with annoyance.

"No time flyboy, I'm the better gunner and you know it, now keep the ship steady." She cut off her message, already feeling the difference in his tactics.

Once the ship remained even she was able to take down three of the fighters. The other two eluded her as they continued to fire at the _Fore Runner_. The blasts didn't have the impact anymore and it gave her the time she needed to switch positions. Locating one of the remaining fighters she sent off some shots while replying to Carth, "So, Commodore?" question apparent in her voice, "Why didn't you tell me?"

She took out the fighter and moved to search for the last one.

"It seemed to pale in comparison to you _not_ telling me you were a mother," he shot back. "I've missed you beautiful, but shouldn't you be back with Aaron?" his tone was playful but also held some concern.

She felt a quiver flow through her body as she realized this was the first time he had spoken her son's name. She recovered when the ship took another blast.

"As I told you, I'm the better gunner," she paused, "despite giving birth" she found the last fighter and sent off some shots. "Almost done up here anyway, have any plans for later? Perhaps something a bit more challenging? These Sith are nothing compared to raising kids," she replied while firing off another round at her foe.

"I'm sure I could think of something" his implication apparent, missing the plural form of the word _kid _entirely.

The last ship exploded in a shower of light and Revan sent a final message before leaving the turret, "Hold that thought handsome, we still need to have our talk."

She felt exhilarated. Nothing like having a good fight and winning while sharing some friendly banter with the man you loved.

Her joy was dampened when she thought about what his reaction might be when they spoke later. She knew she had a lot to answer for, a lot to explain and a lot to make up for. She imagined a dozen different reactions Carth could have, none of them pleasant. Her heart was pounding and she grew frightened.

------------

Ariana greeted her with a silent message, "_Ma'ma were those bad people?"_

Revan moved towards her while flashing her a smile, "Yes they were" speaking aloud.

"_I felt it, I've been feeling a lot of things." _her response came through the force.

Revan replied, once again aloud, trying to encourage her to speak instead of communicating through the force. "What else have you been feeling?"

"_Weird stuff, you've been happy and sad. Mostly sad, until yesterday. Aaron felt it too."_ Again she replied through the force. _"He said you were upset in the morning and the man on the ship was the reason. Is he a bad man too?"_

"No sweetie, he isn't. He's actually a very good person and a very good soldier. Many people think of him as a hero." She stood in front of her and noticed Ariana's eyes grow wide.

"_Will I be a hero someday?"_

"Not if you keep talking through the force" she shot her a playful smile. "You need to start talking Ariana, you too Aaron, this communication will not be allowed at the Temple. You should only use your force powers when you must. They can't be used as something to hide behind. Soon you will be meeting a lot of people and they will want to be addressed verbally. Do you understand? Now is a good time to start that practice."

"Okay" she replied.

Revan was elated that she had spoken the word aloud. She turned to Aaron but he simply nodded his head. "You too," she said.

Slowly he replied, "Okay."

She beamed at them, "Good. Now can I have a hug?"

---------------------------------

Revan left the children as they mediated in the room, telling them to stay there until she returned. She met up with Juhani and they both moved towards the cockpit.

Carth was waiting for them and began, "I have identified the ships that attacked us, they are from the remote planet of Ackertan. I've sent an inquiry about the planet to the Republic command center. Another attack is imminent now that they know we are here, I'm sure it was reported. Currently, I cannot leave this spot until my mission is complete, but the people responsible for carrying out this phase have been separated. I haven't heard anything since early yesterday. I need to find them, they are on the surface of Malachor V."

Juhani spoke first, "We can't land this large vessel there, I will take my ship."

"I think I'm the one who should go, this is my mission." Carth replied, determination in his voice.

"Actually, I should go" Revan spoke, "I'm most familiar with the planet. I'm the best option. Not to mention I'm a Jedi."

"You're always the best option," Carth replied. "In your own head" his eyes sparkled as he grinned at her before growing serious again, "But I'm sorry, you have other … obligations. I can't allow it."

"Carth, no one else can fly this ship. You cannot go." Juhani's tone was clear.

"And your ship is out of fuel" he shot back.

"We can transfer some fuel, You need to fly this ship and Revan needs to stay here" she shot a look to Revan, waiting for a challenge, but it didn't come. She returned her gaze to him, "We don't have time to argue, give me the details Carth, who I'm looking for, where they landed. I can use the force to find them."

Carth nodded, sending one of the droids to transfer fuel from one of the smaller ships that had been loaded on the _Fore Runner _to Juhani's. "Revan, you'll have to connect the hoses while I brief Juhani. You should also move to a room closer to the escape pods, just in case."


	22. Chapter 22

Their talk was delayed as Revan spent the rest of the day with Aaron and Ariana. She had already moved what little belongings they had to a group of rooms near the middle of the ship. Her distance from Carth had been cut in half and throughout the day she found herself reaching through the force just to feel his presence.

Carth spent the day fixing the ship while waiting for the report on Ackertan and word from Juhani or his scouts.

The hours passed and Carth found himself wondering what to do once the ship had been repaired. He still needed some sleep but knew it was a fruitless gesture. Instead he walked down the passageway in search of Revan's new room.

She answered the door, stepping into the corridor to speak with him.

"Carth, have you heard anything?" she asked anxiously.

"No, but Juhani asked me to give her twelve hours from her ETA. Is everything okay in there" he gestured towards the door, her room.

"Yeah, after being on Malachor all these years, it takes more than a few Sith fighters to shake us up." She smiled at him.

"Good, I'm glad." He hesitated, "I.. I know we have a lot to discuss. I know now isn't a good time but, I just wanted you to know, that I'm here for you. I don't know what happened but, well, I'm here for you." He reached up and touched her face.

Beaming at him, "Thanks, I appreciate that. I'm sorry it's been put off, our talk." She fumbled for words. "I want you to know everything but I just can't right now." Her hand gestured towards her quarters.

She looked up and put her arms around him, finally able to say the words, "I love you Carth, always remember that. I never wanted to hurt you, but I did, and for that I'm sorry."

He leaned in to kiss her, "I love you too beautiful," ignoring her other words.

She gave him another kiss before asking, "If you hear anything, you'll let me know?"

A small smile played at the corners of his mouth as he replied, "You got it."

She watched him move down the hall before turning back to her room.

-------------------------

Juhani wasted no time after her rough landing, reaching out in search of the scouts. Her senses were dulled and the task was harder then she had originally thought. She found her powers being depleted at a rapid pace, the time growing longer between her searches for them through force. She encountered a few Storm Beasts along the way, using her stealth to avoid them. Finally, after many hours, she felt a presence in the force and moved towards the life form.

He had crawled under a jutting rock form and was slipping out of awareness when she found him. She injected him with a med pac and force healed him as best she could. _Force, I hate this planet, _she thought to herself.

"I've been sent here by Commodore Onasi. Do you know where the other scout is?" she inquired when his eyes came into focus.

"Too late, he has gone into the Academy, was captured by the Sith."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He nodded, "Yes, I wouldn't leave without him if I had any doubt."

"What Sith are you talking about?" Juhani questioned.

"I can't say anymore, my orders, I'm sorry. We need to leave."

She agreed, "Are you able to walk?"

"I think so" he rose slowly and Juhani had to reach out to steady him.

It took twice as long to return to the ship, stopping every few minutes so the Scout could rest. Juhani used her force to heal him as they slowly made their way towards the direction she had come from.

When they approached the Snow Beasts she was relieved to discover that he had a shield. He would have to move quicker then he had been so they stopped for an hour while he gathered some strength.

"Our ships, they're right over here" he gestured. Juhani was ready to insist that they walk the remainder of the distance to her own ship but decided against it. Carth had advised her to leave the planet with one of the ships the scouts had landed versus her own, they had a better chance of success.

"Your ship may have been fine for the other end of planet but not for where you'll be landing now," he had said.

Juhani notice three ships and the wreckage of another.

The scout explained, "The Commodore had us each fly one of the larger vessels, the smaller ones were attached to those. Something he had them do back at the base on Coruscant. We didn't know how difficult the landing would be or if it were even possible."

She knew most of this already, Carth had been thorough in his briefing, even advising her of some preflight checks to make on each ship before deciding which would be best to use for the departure.

The smaller craft was best suited overall but held no weapons. Ready to send a message to Carth, she felt a hand reach out and stop her. "No, we can't send a message, not yet. I believe that's how they knew we were here, I could be wrong but, I just don't trust it."

Juhani frowned, she didn't like staying out of contact. She had told Carth to give her twelve hours. It was already well past that and she was unsure what he might do if she didn't make contact soon. He had not mentioned any concern over the communication but he also had not been on the planet himself.

Deciding to appease the scout for awhile she replied, "I will delay contact for an hour but no longer." He nodded his thanks.


	23. Chapter 23

Revan quietly slipped out of her room, moving to the galley for a bite to eat and some caffa. Carth was slumbering at the table, one arm bent to cradle the side of his head and the other stretched out diagonally across the table.

Although she had not expected him to be sleeping, she was not surprised to see him there. She had felt his presence in this room for the past hour as she put the kids to bed. She moved around quietly, not wanting to disturb him, as she prepared her snack and beverage.

She took a seat across from him, one that gave her a view of his face. She ate silently, watching him as he slept. He still looked so handsome. A few locks of hair fell softly over his forehead. Her gaze moved to his strong jaw line, to his facial hair that made him look so sexy. She reached out towards him, unable to resist the urge to touch him.

He jumped up before she made contact, his hand immediately moving towards his blaster. "Revan! Force you scared the hell out of me."

He ran a hand through his hair and looked at her. Revan's smile reached his eyes and he chuckled, "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Long enough to be unable to stop myself from touching you." She smiled as she rose, bringing her plate and mug to the cleaner.

He waited for her to finish before bringing her into an embrace, his hands resting on her waist as he brushed his lips over hers. Her head fell against his chest, "I'm worried about Juhani."

"I know and I hate just sitting here waiting. It's putting you and Aaron in danger, if something happened to either of you I'd never forgive myself."

She moved away from him slightly, "Carth, it's not just Aaron" she spoke with a troubled voice. "I, I have a daughter too, Ariana." Even though she wasn't in his hold any longer she could still feel his body tense.

His mouth set in a flat line and his eyes narrowed, "I cannot believe this Revan. We're in a serious situation here and you fail to inform me sooner about lives I am responsible for!" he replied tersely.

"I'm sorry" she said timidly.

"So –" he took a breath "– anything else I should know?" he was ready to explode and she didn't want to tell him anything more while he was like this.

"Carth I tried to tell you yesterday and today things" her voice trailed off. It would have been so easy to say that it had been him who insisted on waiting. He hadn't wanted to hear when she had tried to explain to him yesterday. But she knew that would have angered him more. Instead, she fell back to the words that seemed to come from her mouth so often, "I'm sorry."

Standing there in silence for awhile, she gathered the courage to continue.

She had to make Carth understand what her state of mind had been like when she was on the Star Forge. "I grew up with Malak, we trained as Jedi Padawans together. I adored him." She paused and bit at her bottom lip before continuing, "We were lovers, even before the Wars." A gasp escaped his lips.

His confusion turned to hurt, "You never said you remembered anything from your past."

"I've only recently … We were going to leave the Jedi, get married, raise a family." She laughed at the absurdity of it now. "The war came and then, then we fell to the Dark side" she finished in a whisper, "and all that became impossible." Carth gasped again.

"Pretty shocking huh?" a touch of hysteria crept into Revan's voice. "Well, it was for me too."

"Why are you telling me this?" Carth stared at her, he didn't blink.

Revan felt her eyes well with tears, "Because their father, the father of my children … I believe it is," her voice hardened, "Malak."

He let the name sink in and a look of horror covered his face. He was appalled at what she was telling him. The thought made him sick.

Revan looked away, afraid to see that look on Carth's face again.

His voice finally came, though it was weak, "When did it happen?"

"On the Star Forge, I was lapsing in and out of consciousness. I heard your voice," she looked up, pleading with her eyes to make him understand, "I, I _thought _I heard your voice. I was confused."

She blinked off hot tears, afraid to move her hand to brush them away, "I believe I was dying and that, somehow, Malak gave some of his life to me." She scoffed at the double meaning of her words. "And then when I woke, I just went crazy. I killed him and I didn't think twice about it" she paused, "at least at the time I didn't."

"He raped you!" Carth tried to keep his voice steady as blood was pulsing through his body. He felt his temples begin to throb. "That bastard!" She felt Carth grip her arm before relaxing his touch.

He wanted to hold her, comfort her, place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Instead he was filled with disgust. With himself, with Revan, with Malak, with the whole unpleasant situation. He turned and stalked off.

Of all the scenarios Revan had envisioned this was not one of them. She almost longed for him to lash out at her. She wanted to receive his anger, in all its fury. Instead he had given her a look of revulsion and simply stomped off.

Her legs buckled and she fell to the floor, sobbing violently.


	24. Chapter 24

Carth didn't know why he had reacted as he did. It went against everything he had wanted to do, everything he had promised her. Now, as he sat alone in his room, he silently wished he had handled everything differently.

Pride kept him from going back to her, apologizing, gathering her into his arms.

_Dammit, she's laid a lot of stuff on me the past few days. How did she think I would react?_

His mind raced, trying to piece everything together, incorporating this new information into the scenario.

_So she hadn't been pregnant when Bastilla saved her. She found out after we returned from the Star Forge, that's why she left. She should have just told me! _

_Why Onasi, so you could react just like you did now? No wonder she felt so alone, like leaving was her only choice. Things could have been different. Would I have reacted the same? She knew me, how could she not tell me. _

_Our relationship had been new, to both of us, would I have trusted her explanation? You don't even know how you would have reacted, how do you think she felt?_

Realization dawned on him, _Force, I sent her off, I'm the reason she left. _

_I didn't make her feel secure enough, all my stupid trust issues. And now, I failed her again. How can I be so, so, gamorrean pig headed!_

He rose to leave, shoving his pride away. He took a few steps towards the door and then it hit him. _She said believed! _

_She had only said that she BELIEVED Malak was the father. Force, could it be? Was it possible?_

He staggered back, stumbling over the desk. He fumbled to pull out a chair. A look of pure bewilderment crossed his face as he sank into it, almost falling as he caught just the edge of the seat.

_FORCE, could they be MY kids!_

_---------------------------_

"Ma'ma you are sad again" They were both waiting for her when she returned to her room.

"I'm fine" she gave them a painful smile.

Aaron moved slowly from behind his sister, "You used to be sad before too, back home, but I didn't know what it meant. Now it's stronger. Ma'ma, is this our fault?"

"No, no, don't ever think that" she moved over to him, concern crossing her face. "There are just a lot of things happening right now and your powers are growing. That is why we need to get you to the Jedi Temple, so you can both begin the next phase of your training."

She gathered them in her arms. "I have never been very good at controlling my emotions, you are both so much stronger then I could ever be. I am sorry if I am confusing you both with the emotions. Please, do not worry, I am fine."

She wondered how much she should tell them, they were so young. But soon she would not have the chance.

"Remember how I told you that every Jedi battles with the dark side on a daily basis? Well, sometimes there are other things you battle with, things that don't come easily. For me, it is emotions. Do you see why it requires so much training to become a Jedi Knight or Master? This is why you will both need to concentrate hard on your lessons and respect your Masters. They have achieved what the rest of us can only try for." She paused.

"I believe, in time, you both will be able to become Masters. Something I will never be able to do." She looked at their faces, filled with alarm at this revelation.

"That is not _my _destiny, but I believe it can be yours." She scooped them into her lap, hugging them closely before continuing.

"Once, I fell to the dark side and did awful, awful things. I do not want that for you, either of you. Please remember, once you go far down that path there is no turning back. It was only by a bizarre twist of fate that I survived. Someday, you will hear the story." Her thoughts turned to Malak, their father. "I lost many people close to me. Every day I pay the price for what I did, that is my penance. Please do not repeat the same mistakes as your" she caught herself, she had been ready to say parents, "mother."

She felt drained and leaned back onto the bed, gesturing for the children to snuggle up next to her. "Let's get some rest."

------------------

The fighters came from nowhere and Juhani lost precious time in her delayed reaction.

"Carth, I am on my way back with one of the scouts. We have encountered some fighters and I am on a vessel that has no weapons. I will meet you at the following destination." Her fingers flew over the controls as she tried to send off her coordinates with the message.

The scout looked up, shocked at the personal way the Jedi had addressed the Commodore. _Interesting_ he thought. He quickly punched something into his wristband then feigned sleep once more.

----------------------

Carth was still sitting in stunned silence when the message came through. He ran to the cockpit immediately, ordering the droids to try and pinpoint where the message had originated from. Meanwhile he entered the destination codes that Juhani had supplied into the ships computer.

-----------------------

Revan searched frantically for the communicator, but she couldn't remember where she had put it after moving Juhani's belongings to her new quarters. She stopped to regain control and let the force guide her to its location.

As she pressed the button she noticed the message was from the Jedi Council.

"Going badly things are, into hiding we must go," She heard the Master speak, her mind racing furiously.

"Masters, Juhani is helping complete the Republic mission now, we will be enroute to Coruscant as soon as she returns."

She was cut off by Master Vrook, "There will be no Jedi here when you return."

He was followed up by Master Kavar, who explained a bit more, "A new dark force is seeking out all Jedi, they wish to destroy us. We must all go into hiding, to preserve what few of us are left. Find your new path Jedi Knight Revan, and take care of your younglings. They have become even more valuable to the galaxy."

A final message before it ended, "On your own now, you are. Disappoint not, you must. Trust the Republic you cannot."

"May the Force be with you."

And then it was over. Revan stood in complete shock. Her mind was racing frantically. _Could it be true? But it must! OH FORCE!_

------------------------------

THE END

_or_

_**To be continued….**_

What do you all think? I've left a lot of room for a future story.

But if I do continue it will stray terribly from KOTOR 2, even more then it has already.

I leave this up to you, the readers.


	25. Author's Notes

_**Author's Notes**_

Ugh, how horrible to end it like that huh? But a writer has to do what a writer has to do!

I was only trying to explain why Revan left in this fict. Now it seems to have spiraled into something else. If I didn't cut if off now though, it would have veered away too much from the KOTOR 2 storyline.

I am still willing to continue though. I will leave the choice up to you, my readers. If you want more of this then I'll keep writing. I've had a blast! Although there are things I regret….

I wasn't exactly happy with Chapter 20; I felt I could have developed the moment a bit more.

I also realized a few mistakes along the way, it should not have been a Rancor but a Storm Beast who Revan originally encountered, can you all forgive me?

And for some reason one of the chapters had a major problemwith spacing, where words were runningtogether. They sure weren't likethat when I previewed it!

Okies, well just let me know if I should continue this story, which will stray from KOTOR 2. You can either email me or post it in a review.

Otherwise, thanks for reading along! It's been truly a wonderful endeavor.

**Disclaimer**

I do not own these characters; they belong to the Star Wars universe, mainly George Lucas and the game developers.

I have just been taking their characters and playing around with their destiny :D


	26. Updated Notes

_**Updated Author's Notes**_

The readers have spoken:

**I WILL be writing an AU Sequel. **

A new plot has just entered my little brain and once I iron everything out I will begin :)

Expect more of Revan, Carth, Aaron, Ariana, Juhani, the Scout and anyone else I may force pursuade to appear in my AU fict ;)


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